Literature · Humor

Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife 9

Chapter 9

HolleyEnglish

How beautiful wuz the shore as we approached it, its scenery different from Jonesville scenery, but yet worth seein'--yes, indeed! Mountain and valley, rock and green velvet verdure, tall palm trees shadin' kinder low houses, but still beautiful and attractive. And what beautiful colors greeted our weary eyes as we drew nigher. I thought of that gate of Jerusalem the Golden, all enamelled with emerald, amethyst, chalcedony, and pearl sot in gold. The golden brown earth made from melted lava, the feathery foliage of the palms that riz up beyend the dazzlin' white beach, the crystal blue waters with myriad-hued fishes playing down in its crystal depths. Oh, how fair the seen as we approached nearer and see plainer and plainer the pictured beauty of the shore. Shinin' green valley, emerald-topped mountain, amethyst sea; which wuz the most beautiful it wuz hard to say.

Evangeline Noble stood off by herself leanin' on the rail of the deck as if she see through the beauty into the inner heart of things, and see in her mind's eye all the work her own people, the missionaries, had done there. The thought that they had taken the natives like diamonds incrusted in dirt and cleansed them of the blackest of their habits. She see in the past natives burying their children alive, putting to death the mentally weak, worshipping horrible idols, killing and eating their enemies, etc., etc. But now, under the blessed light of the torch, that long procession of martyrs had held up, the former things wuz passin' away, and she, too, wuz one of that blessed host of God's helpers. She looked riz up and radiant as if she see way beyend the islands of the sea and all she hoped to do for her Master on earth, and as if he wuz talking to her now, teaching her his will.

Nigher to us Elder Wessel wuz standing, and he sez, lifting up his eyes to heaven:

"Oh islands of the sea! where every prospect pleases and only man is vile."

And Arvilly hearn him and snapped out, "I d'no as they're so very vile till traders and other civilized folks teach 'em to drink and cheat and tear round." His eyes lost in a minute that heavenly expression they had wore and sez he:

"Oh, islands of the sea! where every prospect pleases and eat each other up and etcetery."

"Well, I d'no," sez she, "but I'd ruther be killed to once by a club and eat up and be done with than to die by inches as wimmen do under our civilized American license laws. The savages kill their enemies, but the American savage kills the one that loves him best, and has to see her children turned into brutes and ruffians, under what is called a Christian dispensation. There hain't no hypocrisy and Phariseeism in a good straight club death, and most likely whilst he wuz eatin' me up he wouldn't pose before foreign nations as a reformer and civilizer of the world."

"Oh, Sister Arvilly," sez he, "think of the hideous idols they worship! You can't approve of that," sez he.

But Arvilly, the ondanted, went on, "Well I never see or hearn of any savage idol to compare in hegiousness with the Whiskey Power that is built up and pampered and worshipped by Americans rich and poor, high and low, Church and State. Let any one make a move to tear that idol down from its altar, made of dead men's bones, and see what a flutter there is in the camp, how new laws are made and old laws shoved aside, and new laws fixed over, and the highest and the lowest will lie and cringe and drag themselves on their knees in front of it to protect it and worship it. Don't talk to me about your wood idols; they hain't nothin' to be compared to it. They stay where they're put, they don't rare round and kill their worshippers as this Whiskey idol duz. I'd think enough sight more of some men high in authority if they would buy a good clean basswood idol and put it up in the Capitol at Washington, D. C., and kneel down before it three times a day, than to do what they are doin'; they wouldn't do half the hurt and God knows it, and He would advise 'em that way if they ever got nigh enough to Him so's He could speak to 'em at all."

"Oh, Sister Arvilly!" sez Elder Wessel, and he looked as if he would faint away. And I too wuz shocked to my soul, specially as Josiah whispered kinder low to me:

"Samantha, we might git a small idol whilst we're here. You know it would come handy in hayin' time and when the roads are drifted full."

I looked at him in a way that he will remember through his hull life, and sez he quick, "I shan't do nothin' of the kind unless you're willin'."

"Willin'!" sez I, in heart-broken axents. "What will happen next to me?" And then indignation dried my tears before they fell and I sez, "I command you, Josiah Allen, to never speak to me on this subject agin; or think on't!" sez I fiercely.

He muttered sunthin' about thinkin' what he wuz a mindter. And I turned to Arvilly and sez, to git her mind off:

"See that native, Arvilly, standin' up on that board!"

For as our good ship bore us onward we see crowds of natives standin' up on little tottlin' boards, dartin' through the water every which way, risin' and fallin' on the waves. I couldn't done it to save my life. No, Josiah nor me couldn't stood on boards like that on our creek, to say nothin' of the Pacific Ocean. But we should never have appeared in public dressed in that way--it wuzn't decent, and I told Josiah I wouldn't look at 'em if I wuz in his place; I mistrusted that some on 'em might be wimmen. And then I thought of the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve first took the place, and I didn't really know what to think. But I drawed Arvilly's attention to one on 'em that seemed extra dextrious in managin' his board and sez, "How under the sun duz he do it, Arvilly?"

"I d'no," sez she, and she added dreamily, "I wonder if he would want a copy of the 'Twin Crimes,' or the 'Wicked and Warlike.' If I do sell any here to the natives it'll put some new idees in their heads about idol worship wickeder and warliker than they ever had." Miss Meechim and Dorothy wuz approachin' and Robert Strong I see looked off with rapt eyes onto the glorious seen. And as no two can see the same things in any picture, but see the idees of their own mind, blended in and shadin' the view, I spozed that Robert Strong see rared up on the foreground of that enchantin' seen his ideal City of Justice, where gigantic trusts, crushin' the people's life out, never sot its feet, but love, equality and good common sense sot on their thrones in the middle on't, and the people they ruled wuz prosperous and happy. And anon he looked down into Dorothy's sweet face as if no foreign shore or any inner vision ever looked so good to him.

Miss Meechim hated to have Dorothy see them natives, I see she did; actin' so skittish towards the male sect always, it wuz dretful galdin' to her to see 'em in that state and specially to have Dorothy see 'em. She looked awful apprehensive towards them swimmers and board riders and then at her niece. But when she catched sight of Robert by her side a look of warm relief swep' over her anxious face, as if in her mind's eye she see Dorothy by his help walkin' through the future a prosperous and contented bacheldor maid.

Tommy wuz kinder talkin' to himself or to his invisible playmate. He wonnered how he wuz goin' to git on shore, wonnerin' if he could stand up on one of them little boards and if his grandpa and grandma would each have one to stand up on, and kinder lookin' forward to such an experience I could see, and Josiah wuz wonderin' how soon he could git a good meat dinner. And so as on shore or sea each one wuz seein' what their soul's eye had to see, and shakin' ever and anon their own particular skeletons, and shettin' 'em up agin' in their breast closets.

Well, as we approached nigher and nigher the wharf we see men dressed in every way you could think on from petticoats to pantaloons, and men of every color from black down through brown and yeller to white, and wimmen the same. Well, it wuzn't long before we wuz ensconced in the comfortable tarven where we put up. Elder Wessel and his daughter and Evangeline Noble went to the same tarven, which made me glad, for I like 'em both as stars differin'. Elder Wessel I regarded more as one of the little stars in the Milky Way, but Evangeline as one of the big radiant orbs that flashed over our heads in them tropic nights.

The tarven we went to wuz called the Hawaiian Hotel. We got good comfortable rooms, Arvilly's bein' nigh to ourn and Dorothy's and Miss Meechim's acrost the hall and the rest of the company comfortably located not fur away. Well, the next mornin' Josiah and I with Tommy walked through some of the broad beautiful streets, lined with houses built with broad verandas most covered with vines and flowers and shaded by the most beautiful trees you ever see, tall palms with their stems round and smooth as my rollin' pin piercin' the blue sky, and fur, fur up the long graceful leaves, thirty feet long some on 'em. And eucalyptus and begoniea and algebora with its lovely foliage, and pepper trees and bananas and pomegranates and tamarind and bread fruit and rose apples, tastin' and smellin' a good deal like a rosy. And magnificent oleanders and fuchias and geraniums and every other beautiful tree and blossom you ever hearn on.

And take it with these rich colored posies and luxuriant green foliage and the white suits and hats of the men, and the gay colored clothing of the women we met, lots of them with wreaths of flowers round their necks hangin' most to their feet, take it all together it wuz a seen long, long to be remembered. And then we walked up on Punch Bowl Hill, five hundred feet above the level of the sea, and looked off on a broad beautiful picture of sea, mountain and valley soft and beautiful and a-bloom with verdure, and anon bold, rugged and sublime, and I sez to Josiah:

"This very place where we're standin' now wuz once a volcano and belched forth flames, and that also," sez I, pintin' to Tantalus that riz up two thousand feet. "And," sez I, "they say that the view from that is glorious."

"Well," sez he, "I guess we hadn't better climb up there; it might bust out agin. And I wouldn't have you sot fire to, Samantha, for a thousand worlds like this," (he didn't want the work of climbin', that wuz it). And I didn't argy with him, for I thought it would be quite a pull for us to git up there and git Tommy up, and I didn't know as the child ort to climb so fur, so I didn't oppose my pardner when he propsed to go back to the tarven, and we santered back through the streets filled with citizens of all countries and dressed accordin', to the grounds around the tarven. We put Tommy into a hammock and sot down peaceful nigh by him. The sun shone down gloriously out of a clear blue sky, but we sot in the shade and so enjoyed it, the bammy air about us seemed palpitating with langrous beauty and fragrance, and I sez to my pardner:

"Don't this remind you, Josiah, of what we've heard Thomas J. read about:

"'The island valley of Avileon Where falls not rain nor hail nor any snow.'"

"Where it seems always afternoon."

"I d'no," sez Josiah, "as I ever hearn of such a land. I never wuz any hand to lay abed all the forenoon."

"But, Josiah, there is sunthin' so dreamy and soothin', so restful in the soft slumbrous atmosphere, it seems as if one could jest lay down in that hammock, look off onto the entrancin' beauty around, breathin' the soft balmy air, and jest lay there forever."

"I guess," sez he, "that the dinner bell would be apt to roust you out the second or third day."

But Miss Meechim jined us at jest this minute, and she sez to me, "I feel just as you do, I feel as though I would fain dwell here forever."

And Josiah sez: "I believe it would be a good thing for you, Miss Meechim, to stay here right along; you could probable do considerable good here preachin' to the natives aginst marriage, they're pretty apt to marry too much if they're let alone, and you might curb 'em in some." (Josiah can't bear Miss Meechim, her idees on matrimony are repugnant to him.) But she didn't argy with him. She sez: "Robert is planning a trip to the Pali, and wants to know if you won't join us."

And Josiah says, "Who is Pali?"

And she sez, "It is the precipice five hundred feet high, where King Kamehameha drove off his enemies."

Well, we wuz agreeable and jined the party. Robert had got a wagonette and he and Dorothy, Miss Meechim and Arvilly and Josiah and I jest filled the seats, Tommy sot in Josiah's lap or between us.

It is quite a long ride to the Pali, but we didn' realize it, because the scenery all along is so lovely and so novel. That view from the top I hain't a-goin' to try to describe, nor I sha'n't let Josiah try; I don't like to have that man flat out in his undertakin's. Good land! do you want us to tell how many sands there wuz on the flashing white beach that stretched out milds and milds? And we might as well as to describe that enchantin' panorama and take up all the different threads of glory that lay before us and embroider 'em on language. No, you must see 'em for yourself, and then you hain't goin' to describe 'em. I d'no but Carabi could. I hearn Tommy talkin' and "wonnerin'" to him as he stood awestruck beside me, but no mortal can.

Well, I thought I must not slight the volcano Kilauea, which means the House of Everlasting Fire. And how that volcano and everything in Hawaii reminded me of the queen who once rained here--and the interview I once had with her. We happened to be visitors to the same summer resort. You know she lives in Washington, D. C., now.

I sent word that I wuz there and craved a augence, which wuz gladly granted. She had hearn of me and I had hearn of her, which made everything agreeable. So at the appinted hour I wuz ushered by one of her hired men into her presence. I liked her looks first rate; of course she hain't what you may call handsome, and her complection is pretty middlin' dark, but she has a good look and a good way with her. She came forward and greeted me with great cordiality and gin the hand I extended a warm grasp, and I hern visey versey, and sez she:

"I am glad to see you, Josiah Allen's wife." And I sez, speakin' the name Liliukolani well as I could, "I also am glad to hail the Queen of the Sandwich Islands."

That tickled her, and she sez: "I was not deceived in you; you are one who can recognize royalty if the cloud of adversity and trouble is wreathin' it in its black folds."

And I sez, "Clouds often covers the sun and moon, but the light is there jest the same." I felt to pity her as she went on and related her troubles to me. Her throne kicked out from under her by them that wanted to set down on it, the high chairs of her loyal friends took by her enemies who craved the soft cushions. Even her private property grabbed away from her. Why, how should any of us feel to have a neighbor walk in when we wuz havin' a family quarrel and jest clean us out of everything--kitchen stove, bureau, bed and beddin' and everything; why, it would rile us to our depths, any on us.

She sez, "I feel that my kingdom wuz stole away from me." And I sez:

"I know jest how you feel. There wuz a woodsy island down in our creek that Josiah had called hisen for years and years, rained peaceful and prosperous over so we spozed, it made a dretful handy place for our young stock to stand in the shade in the summer, and our ducks and geese jest made their hum there, but what should Bill Yerden do when he bought the old Shelmadine place but jest scoop up that island and try to prove that it wuz hisen. It wuz jest stealin', Josiah and I always felt so. But he wuz down with tizik at the time, and I wore out nussin' him, and Bill put bob iron fence round it, real sharp bobs, too, and we had to gin in. Of course it wuzn't a big spot, but we despised the idee of havin' it took from us just as much as though it wuz the hull contient of Asia, and we can't git over it, Josiah nor me can't. And I know jest how you feel, and I sympathize with you."

And she sez, "Sympathy is sweet, but justice is sweeter."

And I sez, "That is so, but when you can't git justice, sympathy is better than nothin'."

"Yes," sez she, "I know it, but I am lookin' forward to the day when I shall git my rights agin. I am jest as much a queen as Queen Alexandra is to-day, and my kingdom is just as much mine."

Sez I, "That is just the way Josiah and I feel; we can't help lookin' forward to gittin' our rights, but don't spoze we ever shall, for life is short, and Josiah don't want any more of our live stock tore up on them bobs; and, as I've said to Josiah many a time, Bill Yerden feels guilty, or he wouldn't rare up such sharp defences round it."

Well, we had a good deal more of jest such profitable and interestin' talk as two such great wimmen would naterally, and we parted away from each other with a cordial hand shake and mutual good feelin'. But she called me back and sez she: "I want to give you one word of solemn warnin' before we part," and I stopped stun still and listened.

"I don't know," sez she, "as you'll ever be a queen."

"Well, mebby not," sez I, "but I am thought a sight on in Jonesville, and there is no knowin' what may happen."

"Well," sez she, "if you ever are a queen, a ruler of a kingdom, don't let any other nation protect you. Protectin'," sez she, "has been the ruin of more than one individual and nation."

And I promised her that I would look out for it if I ever wuz a queen, but reminded her that there wuz times too when it came handy, and saved our necks to be protected, and then I finished, gracefully backin' out of her presence. I like her first rate, and believe she is a likely woman; I believe she has been lied about, she jest the same as told me she had; if she wuz a woman that took in washin's for a livin' there wouldn't have been so much said about her. Why, it is jest as easy for envious folks to run them high in position and try to demean 'em as it is to fall off a log.

Spotted a mistake or have an idea?