BICYCLE.--Thoroughly heavy, lumbering, out-of-date machine, recently doctored up to look like new, for sale. Cost, second-hand, six years ago, £4. Will take £12 for it. Bargain. Would suit a dyspeptic giant, or a professional strong man in want of violent exercise.
SAFETY CYCLE.--Pneumatic tyres. A real beauty. Makers well known in Bankruptcy Court. Owner giving up riding in consequence of the frame being thoroughly unsafe, and the tyres constantly bursting. Would exchange for one of Broadwood's grand pianos or a freehold house in the country.
Illustration: THE ? OF THE DAY.--Should there be a speed (and dust) limit?
THE QUEEN'S HIGHWAY.--Infuriated Cyclist (after a collision with a fast-trotting dog-cart). I shall summon you to-morrow! I've as much right on the road as you, Jehu!
Irate Driver. And I shall summon you! This thoroughfare's mine as well as yours, let me tell you, Scorcher!
Pedestrian (who has been nearly killed by the collision, and is lying prostrate after being cannoned on to the path, very feebly). And what about me, gentlemen? Have I any right of way?
The constant strain of driving motor-cars is said to be responsible for a form of nervous break-down which shows a decided tendency to increase. One certainly comes across a number of cars afflicted in this way.
"PIKES AND BIKES"
(By a "riding Poet")
In years gone by our sires would try
To abrogate the highway "pikes."
No tolls to-day, can bar the way,
But freeing of the road brought "bikes";
And there are many Northern Tykes,
Who would prefer the "pikes" to "bikes."
Illustration: Old Lady (describing a cycling accident). "'E 'elped me hup, an' brushed the dust orf on me, an' put five shillin' in my 'and, an' so I says, 'Well, sir, I'm sure you're hactin' like a gentleman,' I says, 'though I don't suppose you are one,' I says."
A motor-car, proceeding along the High Street the other evening, took fright, it is supposed, at a constable on point-to-point duty, and exploded, blowing the occupants in various directions over the adjoining buildings. The policeman is to be congratulated upon averting what might have been a serious accident.
A well-known motorist has been complaining of the campaign waged against motor-cars by humorous artists, who never seem to tire of depicting accidents. "One common and ludicrous error in many drawings," he said, "is the placing of the driver on the wrong side of the car." But surely, in an accident, that is just where he would find himself.
Sympathetic Lady. "I hope you had a good holiday, Miss Smith."
Overworked Dressmaker. "Oh yes, my lady. I took my machine with me, you know!"
S. L. "What a pity; you should give up needle and thread when you're out for a----"
O. D. "Oh, I don't mean my sewing machine! I refer to my bicycle!"
Illustration:
SCENE--A remote district in the Wolds.
Driver of Motor-car (who has just pulled up in response to urgent summons from countrywoman). "Well, what's the matter? What is it?"
Countrywoman. "Hi, man, look! You've been an' left yer 'oss on the 'ill!"
