Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories 15 – Anonymous · Verses Across
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories 15During the Cigars, Whiskey and Water
18
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories 15
During the Cigars, Whiskey and Water
AnonymousEnglish
12·30. BEFORE LEAVING TABLE.
1·30. BEFORE GETTING INTO BED.
The above have been submitted to an eminent expert, who says he could almost swear they are the same hand-writing, but must come and dine with Mr. P., in order absolutely to verify them.
A SALVE FOR THE CONSCIENCE
Vegetarian Professor. "No, madam, not even fish. I cannot sanction the destruction of life. These little creatures, for instance, were but yesterday swimming happily in the sea."
Mrs. O'Laughlan. "Oh but, Professor, just think it's the first time the poor little things have ever been really warm in their lives!"]
FELICITOUS QUOTATION
"Oh, Robert, the grouse has been kept too long! I wonder you can eat it!"
"My dear, 'we needs must love the highest when we see it.'"
(Guinevere.)]
PRICE FOR AGE
Mr. Green. "You needn't be afraid of that glass of wine, uncle. It's thirty-four port, you know."
Uncle. "Thirty-four port!--Thirty-four fiddlesticks! It's no more thirty-four port than you are!"
Mr. Green. "It is I can assure you! Indeed, it's really thirty-six; and thirty-four if you return the bottles!"]
FLUNKEIANA
Master. "Thompson, I believe that I have repeatedly expressed an objection to being served with stale bread at dinner. How is it my wishes have not been attended to?"
Thompson. "Well, sir, I reely don't know what is to be done! It won't do to waste it, and we can't eat it downstairs!"]
CONCLUSIVE
SCENE--Hibernian Table d'hôte
Guest. "Waiter! I say--this is pork! I want mutton!"
