Professor Guzzleton (to Fair Chatterbox). Are you aware that our host has a French cook?
Fair Chatterbox. So I hear!
Professor Guzzleton. And that that French cook is the best in London?
Fair Chatterbox. So I believe!
Professor Guzzleton. Then don't you think we had better defer all further conversation till we meet again in the drawing-room?
"My uncle, the admiral," said Mrs. Ramsbotham, "is very old fashioned, and always goes to sleep every day after dinner with his banana on his head."
Toast-master (to chairman of public dinner). "Would you like to propose your toast now, my lord, or should we let 'em enjoy themselves a bit longer?"
INFELICITOUS MISQUOTATIONS.--Hostess. "You've eaten hardly anything, Mr. Simpkins!"
Mr. S. "My dear lady, I've dined 'wisely, but not too well!'"
TRIUMPHS OF THE FUNNY MAN
Hired Waiter (handing the liqueurs). "Please, sir, don't make me laugh--I shall spill 'em all!"
OVERHEARD AT A CITY RESTAURANT
"I said Welsh radish, not horse rabbit!"
Our Robert (on duty in the provinces, offering dish to neglected spinster). "Little duck!"
[_In such a tone of voice, that, at the risk of the sage and----she accepts!_]
Host. "I say, my boy, shall we join ladies in drawing-room?"
Host. "Can you say, 'The scenery's truly rural 'bout here?'"
Guest. "Sc-scenery tooralooral."
Host. "All right, come along!"]
HE KNEW THE CUISINE.--Hungry Diner (scanning the menu). "Look here, waiter, I'm starving. I think I'll have a little of everything!"
Waiter. "Yessir. (Bawls off.) 'Ash one!"
