Literature · Humor

Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife 34

Chapter 34

HolleyEnglish

Well, we went back to Vienna, and from there set sail for Berlin, homeward bound. Josiah was in dretful good sperits, and said that no monument or obelisk we had seen on our tower could ever roust up his admiration like the Jonesville M. E. steeple when he should first ketch sight on't loomin' up beautiful and glorious from the enrapturin' Jonesville seenery.

And I felt a good deal as he did, but knowed that his feelin's made him go too fur, for Jonesville seenery hain't enrapturin', and the M. E. steeple hain't glorious in aspect. But truly Love is the greatest sculptor and gilder in the world, and handles his brush in the most marvellous way. Under his magic touch the humblest cottage walls glows brighter than any palace. We had turned our footsteps toward home sweet home, and a light from above gilt them sacred precincts, and my own heart sung as glad a tune as Josiah's, though I tried to sing it as much as I could in the key of common sense.

Well, we found that Berlin wuz a big, beautiful clean city. It is the capital of Prussia and the German empire, which we all know is divided up into little kingdoms, some as the Sylvester Bobbett farm is divided up, but kinder lookin' up to Sylvester as the head on't. The old part of the city hain't so remarkable attractive, but the new part is beautiful in its buildings and streets. And somehow the passersby look cleaner and better off than in most cities. We didn't see a blind beggar man led by a dog or a ragged female beggin' for alms whilst we wuz there, which is more than our cities at home can boast of.

But in spite of all this, I spoze there is a good deal of cuttin' up and behavin' there.

And I don't spoze that the name of the river that runs through it has anything to do with that, though Josiah thought it did. He said: "You couldn't expect many morals or much stiddy behavior round a river Spree."

But I don't spoze the name made a mite of difference. The water seemed to run along as smooth and placid as Dove Creek, that bathes the streets of Loontown at home. Indeed, the waters of the Spree runs along real slow and quiet. And I spoze the inhabitants there are about on a equality with the dwellers in other cities in the old and new world. Human nater is a good deal the same wherever you find it. And I've always said that if I wanted to write a heart-searchin', heart-meltin' tragedy, I had just as soon turn away from the big cities and go into some lonesome hamlet of New England, into some big faded farmhouse standin' by a dark weed-bordered sluggish creek, shaded by tall pollard willers. And there, behind the scraggly lilocks and cinnamon roses, and closed blinds of solid wood, with a little heart-shaped hole in the centre that casts strange shadders on the clean painted floor within, there I would find my tragedy material.

Mebby in some tall, scrawny woman's form, clad in brown calico, with scanty gray hair drawed tightly back from a pale face and imprisoned in a little hard knob at the back.

When that hair wuz brown, and the mornin' sun wuz ketched in its glistenin', wavin' tendrils, and the sunken cheeks wuz round and pink as one of the cinnamon roses, and the faded ambrotype of the young soldier in her red wooden chest upstairs wuz materialized in a handsome young man, who walked with her under the old willows when the slow-moving brook run swift with fancy's flight and her heart beat happily, and life wuz new and radiant with love and joy----

Before the changes come that swept them apart and left only a hollow, empty chamber in each heart, echoin' with footsteps that are walkin' heavily fur apart.

Then, if I could write the full history of that life, its joys and its sorrows, its aspirations, its baffled hopes, its compensations that didn't compensate, the bareness of the life, the dagger-sharp trials with what is called small things, the wild heart struggles veiled by the New England coldness of expression, some as her sharp crags and stuns are covered with the long reign of ice and snow. The heartsick loneliness of oncongenial surroundin's, the gradual fading away of hope and fears into the dead monotonous calm of hopelessness and despair.

There is a tragedy ready for the pen that would stand out as much more striking and sharp-edged as the stun on a ontravelled highway is rougher than one worn down to smoothness by the feet of the multitude, a tragedy that would move the world could I tell it as it really is.

But good land! What a hand to eppisode I be when I git to goin'. I must stop this very minute, or I'll have the tragedy Alfred Tennyson speaks on "Dyin' a Listener," on my hands.

Unter der Linden is as beautiful and imposing an avenue as I see on my tower, with tall, handsome houses risin' up on each side on't. And there are beautiful parks and pleasure ground and places of recreation of all kinds.

The Academy of Music is famous for its fine concerts, the city seems the very home of melody, and beautiful statutes are seen on every side. The equestrian statute of Frederic the Great is a grand one, and Josiah got all rousted up lookin' at it, and talked considerable to me about what a imposin' figger he himself would make if he could be sculped settin' on the mair. He said it would be a lovely sight a loomin' up in front of the M. E. meetin'-house in Jonesville. But I got his mind off from it quick as I could.

One day when we wuz out drivin' through the handsome streets we went to see the palace of Bismark. It wuz a large, stately mansion, opposite a pretty little park. But though this seemed the very abode of luxury, I wuz told that Bismark loved the country fur better, and as Josiah and I delighted in the fields of Jonesville, so he loved sweet Nature, and follered her all he could into her hants in the country. Josiah sot store by Bismark, and honors his memory, and he seemed real tickled when I sez to him:

"Bismark always reminded me of you, Josiah, from what I've read of him."

Josiah was very tickled, and he sez with a proud happy look, "Yes, I spoze I am a good deal like him, he wuz as brave as a lion, had good sound horse sense and----"

But I sez calmly, "I dare presoom to say, Josiah, that that is so. But I wuz alludin' to his appetite, I have hearn that he had a splendid and immense appetite."

Josiah acted huffy, and I drawed his attention off onto the corners of base relief and the white statters ornamentin' the ruff.

To our great sorrow, we found that Emperor William wuzn't to home. I spoze it will be a great disappointment to him when he hears on't that Josiah and I had really been there right to his home and he shouldn't be there. I well know how bad I should feel if Potentates come to Jonesville and I happened to be off on a tower. And then I honored Emperor William for his kind heart and kind actions and his good sense, and felt bad enough to think I wuzn't goin' to see him.

But owin' to Robert Strong's gittin' a letter from somebody to somebody, we went through the palace just as I would want William to go through our house in Jonesville and the carriage-house and barn, if we happened to be away a visitin' when he come our way.

And oh, what a sight that palace wuz on the inside when we come to go through it, and the outside too looked well, very strong and massive and handsum and big, enormous big.

Why, it contains six hundred rooms. And Miss Cornelius Bobbett thought she had reached the very hite of grandeur when she moved into their new house that had six big rooms beside the bedrooms. And it did go fur ahead of the average Jonesville housen. But when I stood in William's white saloon and our party wuz givin' utterance to different ejaculations of surprise and admiration I only sez instinctively:

"Oh, if Sister Cornelius Bobbett only could see this room! what would she say? How her pride would be lowered down."

For it did seem to me the most beautiful room I ever beheld. It was more than a hundred feet long, and about half that in width, and the crystal glitter overhead reflected in the shinin' floor below wuz ahead of anything I had ever seen, as brilliant as a hull forest of ice-sickles mingled in with statutes and columns and angels and everything else beautiful.

Here in this room Sessions of Parliament are opened. And I thought the laws ort to be grand and noble indeed to make 'em worthy of the place they was made in.

But, immense as this room wuz, the picture gallery is most as big agin and full of beauty and inspiration from wall to wall and from floor to ceilin'. The palace chapel is kinder round in shape, and has all sorts of soft and rich-colored marbles in the floor and wall. The altar wuz made of Egyptian marble, a kind of buff color, and the pulpit wuz made of Carrera marble. I spoze powerful sermons have been preached from that pulpit.

In Berlin the most beautiful pictures are to be seen on every side on palace walls and in picture galleries, Dorothy and Robert just doted on 'em and so did I. But Josiah always complained of his corns whilst walkin' through 'em. A picture gallery just started them corns to achin' the worst kind from his tell.

The Bourse is sunthin' like our stock exchange, but big enough to accommodate thousands of money-seekers. I spoze they have lively times here anon or oftener--the river Spree runs right in front on't (though I don't think that makes a mite of difference).

More than fifty bridges cross this river and it divides out into canals and little streams, all of which comes together agin and flows away into the sea.

The Alson bridge is one of the most beautiful bridges I ever sot my eyes on, and not fur off is the Alson Platz, a very charming public garden. Shady paths, trees, flowers, sculpture, all make this garden very attractive.

Not fur off is the Konigs Platz, one of the most imposing parts of the city. In the centre of this square stands the grand monument to Victory, it is high and lofty as a monument to Victory ort to be, solid and massive at the base (for in order to be successful you have got to have a good underpinnin' of principle and gumption) and crowned with a noble-lookin' figger, standin' amidst a flock of eagles.

The Royal Theatre is a handsome building and looks some in front like our own Capitol in Washington, D. C. It stands between two meetin'-houses, as if it laid out to set back and enjoy its neighborhood and be real respectable.

In front of it stands a fine monument to the German poet, Schiller. I sot store by him. Thomas J. used to read his books to his Pa and me a good deal when he wuz tendin' the Cademy to Jonesville, his dramas and his poems, so Josiah and I felt quite well acquainted with him, and when we see his name here amidst foreign seens it give us quite agreeable emotions, some as if we wuz a travellin' in Africa and should see a obelisk riz up with Deacon Henzy's name on it. Also I wuz interested in looking at the beautiful equestrian statute of Frederic William the illustrious elector, who did so much to make his country great.

It stands on a bridge, as if dominating sea and land, as he did a good deal whilst he wuz alive. He looks calm and powerful, and has a look on his face as if he could do most anything he sot out to do. And the four slaves grouped round the base of the statute seem to look up to him as if they trusted him implicitly.

His clothes wuzn't exactly what I would want Josiah sculped in if he wuz to be rared up in marble, and it seems as if so many skirts and such a long cloak floatin' out must be in a man's way if he wuz in a hurry. But where is there anything perfect here below? It wuz remarkably handsome, take it as a hull.

Dorothy and Robert said they wanted to see the statute of Gerty.

And Josiah whispered to me and sez, "Gerty who? I didn't know as they knew any Gertrude that wuz buried here."

And I whispered back, "They mean Goethe, Josiah. You know Thomas J. has read us quite a lot of his writings." Sez I, "Don't you remember about little Mignon, who wuz so home-sick for her own land, and would keep askin':

'Knowest thou the land where citron apples bloom, And oranges like gold amidst the leafy gloom?'

"You remember it, Josiah. I've seen you shed tears when he wuz readin' about her."

And Josiah whispered back in a loud shrill whisper that I know they hearn: "If they wanted to see Go-ethe, why didn't they say Go-ethe?" (He always would pronounce his name to rhyme with sheath.)

I felt mortified, nothin' seems worse when you're tryin' to quell a pardner down than to have him whisper back so loud. Why, I have had Josiah right to my own table when I've had company and he wuz makin' onlucky remarks, I've known him to ask me right out what I wuz steppin' on his toe for, and I wuz worse off than as if I hadn't tried to curb him in. But then he has a host of good qualities, and pardners are dretful handy lots of times. But life is a kind of a warfare to the best and happiest on us.

Well we all went to see the statute to Goethe; it stands in a pleasant spot in the Thiergarten surrounded by shrubs and trees. The face of the great poet is full of the sadness and glory of them that see visions and dream dreams. Grouped about him are the sculptured forms of Tragedy, Lyrical Poetry, and Research. It wuz a impressive monument and rousted up more emotions in me than any that I see in Berlin.

Well, we didn't stay long in Prussia, for the cords that wuz drawin' us home tightened from day to day, the children and Philury drawin' them cords closter ever and anon with long and loving letters, and we hastened on to Hamburg. It wuz a lovely day when we sot out on our journey and we wuz all feelin' well, specially Josiah and I, for every revolution of the wheels brought us nigher to our beloved Jonesville and every toot of the engine seemed to shout afresh the joyful tidin's to us that we had sot our faces towards the bright hearth stun of home.

We had no eventful experiences on the journey to relate, unless it wuz a interview we had with a young man, a Freshman I believe he wuz from some college, travellin' with his tutor, and he seemed real fresh, he seemed to have plenty of money but a scarcity of brains, or mebby he had enough brains, but they seemed to be in a sort of a soft state, and I guess they'll harden up some when he gits older if he has good luck with them.

I wuz most a good mind to advise him to set in the sun bareheaded all he could, thinkin' mebby it might harden 'em some, but didn't know how it would be took.

He thought he knew a sight, but the shadder he really cast on worldly affairs wuz exceedingly small, he could step over it the hull time, but he felt that it reached the horizon. Robert talked quite a good deal with him, to pass away the time I spoze, but there wuz a queer smile in his eyes and kinder patient and long sufferin' as if to say:

"You'll know more in the future than you do now and I'll bear with you."

The young man thought he wuz patronizin' Robert, I knew from his liniment. He wuz a infidel, and seemed to think it made him very smart. You know some folks do think it is real genteel to doubt and a mark of a deep thinker.

I hearn him go on for quite a spell, for Robert wouldn't argy with him, thinkin' I spoze it might strain his arm to hit at vacancy. But at last I seemed to have to speak up to Miss Meechim and say:

"How strange it is that some folks think the less they believe the bigger it makes 'em, but good land! it don't take much intellect to believe in nothin', it don't strain the mind any if it is ever so weak."

I guess he hearn me, for he kinder changed his talk and went to patronizin' the seenery. Well, it wuz beautiful a good deal of the way, though at the last of our journey it broke out rainy all of a sudden right whilst Josiah wuz all engaged in admirin' a particular view, and it grew cold and disagreeable. And he bein' tired out, worried a sight about the rain and the suddenness on't and how it stopped his sight-seein' and brung on his rumatiz, and he complained of his corns and his tight boots, and said that I had ort to seen that he wuz dressed thicker, and fretted and acted. And I sez:

"You've got to take things as they come, Josiah. I couldn't send anybody out this mornin' to bring in a pail of weather to see if it wuz goin' to rain. You've got to take it as it comes, and when it comes, and make the best on't."

But he still acted restless and oneasy, and most cried, he felt so bad. And I went on and dilated on the merits of calmness and serenity and how beautiful traits they wuz and how much to be desired.

And he snapped me up enough to take my head off, and said that he "couldn't always be calm and wuzn't goin' to try to be."

"No," sez I reasonable, "you've got to be megum in that, or in eatin' bread and milk; of course, you could kill yourself on that, though it seems innocent and harmless; you can carry everything too fur."

And seein' that his liniment still bore the marks of restless oneasiness and onhappiness, I eppisoded a little on his side of the question, for what will not a woman do to ease a pardner's mind and comfort him?

"Yes, Josiah, Cousin Joel Smith's life used to be so serene and so deadly calm on all occasions that she used to mad Uncle Joel, who wuz of a lively and active temperament, like the most of the Smiths.

"I asked Joel once on a visit there, when she had been so collected together and monotonous in aspect, and talked with such oneven and sweetness of tone that I got dead tired on't myself, and felt that I had been lookin' on a sunbaked prairie for months, and would have been glad enough to had her got up a change of liniment some way, and a change of axent higher or lower, I sez to Cousin Joel.

"Do you spoze Serintha Jane would git excited and look any different and talk any faster or louder if the house should get afire?"

And he said no, the house did git afire once, when he wuz away. And she discovered it in the morning whilst she wuz makin' some scollops in her hair (she always had her hair scolloped just as even as ever a baby's petticoat wuz), keepin' that too calm and fixed through bangs and braids. She had scolloped it on one side and wur just beginnin' it on the other when she see the fire, and she went gently to the door, opened it in a quiet ladylike way, and asked a neighbor goin' by in her low even axent, if he would kindly stop a minute. And the neighbor stopped and she said sweetly:

"Could I trouble you to do a little errand for me if you are going down town, or would it incommode you?"

He said he would do it.

Well, she said she didn't want him incommoded, "but," sez she, "if it is not too much trouble will you please tell my husband that I would like to have him come home as soon as he can make it convenient to do so, for the house is afire." And then she smiled sweetly and made a low bow, and went back into the house lookin' real serene, and went to scollopin' the other side of her fore-top.

The neighbor started off wildly on the run hollerin' "fire!" and "help!" for he see the flames bustin' out of one of the chamber winders. He got the fire engine and the neighbors collected, and got most of the furniture out below, and they couldn't hardly git her to make a move, for she hadn't got the last scallop made, but finally somebody grabbed her, and kinder hauled her out, she a tryin' to smile, they say, and look calm, as she was borne out.

I told Joel, before I thought, that "she ort to been singed, and that it would have done her good, mebby it would rousted her up a little."

And I guess he felt so too, though he didn't say so. Josiah looked real interested, and I sez, fur I didn't dast to have the encouragement go too fur that way:

"Calmness and serenity are beautiful, Josiah, and almost always desirable, though when a house gits afire you ort to let up on 'em a little."

Josiah's liniment looked quite a little clearer, but some shadders still remained, and I went on tenderly and pictured out to him the first meal I would cook for him when we got home. And then his liniment grew peaceful and happy, and he sez gratefully:

"You're so calmin' to the nerves, Samantha, when you set out to be, you're a perfect iodine."

I d'no really what he did mean, I guess it wuz anodyne, I keep a bottle to home for nerves. But 'tennyrate in a few minutes he wuz talkin' quite glib about home and the children and I felt richly repaid for all my trouble. And with such little agreeable talk and eppisodin' did I try to diversify the weariness of travel.

Josiah is a great case for Hamburg steaks, and he confided to me the hope that we would git some here that would go even beyond any that I had ever cooked and that would ensure him a future of this delicious food. But we didn't see a sign on 'em in the city. He wuz bitterly disappinted.

Hamburg is a free state, small, but I spoze feelin' quite big and independent. It is ruled by a Senate of eighteen members, and a house of Burgesses of one hundred and ninety-two members, and they make their own laws and keep 'em, I spoze, the most on 'em, and get along quite well and prosperous.

There is a beautiful little lake in the heart of the city on which small gaily painted boats dart to and fro carrying passengers like omnibuses in city streets. Beautiful bridges cross the Alster, a tributary of the Danube, and tall handsome houses line the streets.

They are great cases for flowers there in Hamburg. You meet flower shops and flower sellers on every side. But they are not the beautiful flower girls we read of in stories. They are mostly old wimmen, too old for hard work. They wear short skirts, comin' just below their knees, black bodices, long black stockings with gay colored garters, wooden shoes, broad-brimmed hats, saucer shaped, trimmed with stiff black cambric bows.

We wuz only there for one day, but long enough to drive through the principal streets and see some of the principal sights and git rested some, and then we sailed away for Home Sweet Home, via London, England.

We didn't stay very long in London, but long enough so we could look about us some. Robert Strong had considerable bizness to attend to there, which, of course, devoured his time, and Dorothy had a number of young girl friends who lived there, and she wanted to go and see them, and she entertained 'em at our tarven: sweet, fresh-complected young girls; they wuz almost as pretty as Dorothy herself, but not quite.

Arvilly had a cousin on her own side that she wanted to visit, and, of course, she wanted to canvass more or less, so that left Josiah and I free a good deal of the time to go and come as we liked. Of course dear Little Tommy wanted to see everything and go everywhere. Miss Meechim and Dorothy took Tommy with them several times, and so did Robert Strong, and, of course, some days when we wuz all at liberty we would all go out together sightseeing. Josiah said most the first thing that he wanted to see the Tower of London, and Tommy wanted to see the Crystal Palace, takin' a fancy to the name I spoze, and I told 'em we would go to these places the first chance we had.

But deep in my heart wuz one purpose. I had laid on a certain plan day and night, kep' it in my mind and lotted on it. But of this more anon. This wuz my major plan. Amongst my minor ones wuz my desire to see Westminster Abbey agin. I had been there once on a former tower, but I wanted to stand agin by the tombs of them I so deeply honored; and the rest of the party feelin' as I did, we all set out there most the first thing.

I also sot store by Westminster Abbey on account of its being the place where Victoria, honored queen and woman, wuz crowned, as well as all of England's monarchs. It is a magnificent building, no other mausoleum in the world can compare with it; it is almost worthy of being the resting-place of the great souls that sleep there. Dorothy's sweet face and Robert's noble liniment took on reverent looks as we stood by the tomb of saint and sage, hero and poet.

We went from there to see the Houses of Parliament, immense buildings full of interest and associations.

We also went to see St. Paul's Cathedral, which towers up in majesty, dwarfin' the other buildin's near it. It is a marvellous structure in size and beauty, only two bigger buildings in the world, St. Peter's at Rome, and the Milan Cathedral.

What a head Sir Christopher Wren must have had, and what a monument to his genius this gigantic pile is. No wonder he wanted this epitaph put on his tomb:

"If you want to see his monument, look about you."

Many other noted men are buried here, Bishop Heber, John Howard, Sir Joshua Reynolds, Wellington, Nelson and Sir John Moore, who wuz "buried darkly at dead of night," as so many bashful schoolboys know to their sorrow, as they rehearse it in a husky voice to the assembled neighbors the last day of school. Oh, how much they wish as they try to moisten their dry tongue and arrange their too visible and various hands, that the night wuz still darker, so dark that nothin' wuz ever hearn on't.

Feelin' the admiration I did for his livin' and lovin' pardner, I wuz glad to see the Albert monument. It wuz evenin' when we see it, and the garden where it stands wuz illuminated. The great elms glowed under a multitude of red lights. The music-stands glowed with stars of the same color, and the fountains riz up in great sprays of color and radiance. It wuz a beautiful seen, but none too grand for the great good man whose name the tall shaft bears.

Albert Hall, which stands in the same grounds, wuz also brilliantly illuminated; its long glass corridors shone as if wrought out of crystal and ruby.

One day we rode from Blackfriars' bridge past the Mansion House, where the Lord Mayor holds his receptions. And what interested me fur more, we went past the place where the Foreign Bible Society prints more than three million Bibles a year in two hundred different languages and dialects, carrying the knowledge and love of our Lord unto the ends of the earth.

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