The History and Records of the Elephant Club 15 – Doesticks · Verses Across
Literature · Humor
The History and Records of the Elephant Club 15Order of Business
18
Literature · Humor
The History and Records of the Elephant Club 15
Order of Business
DoesticksEnglish
1. The Higholdboy shall announce the suspension of all rules for three months.
At the conclusion, Mr. Spout, in a solemn tone, addressed the party.
"Gentleman," said he, "I am aware that the rules, which I have prepared and submitted, are stringent in the extreme, but I think they will be found, on examination, to be no more so than is essential to secure that unanimity of action so indispensable to the accomplishment of any great end. Believing, then, that you fully appreciate the importance of the end we have in view, I trust they will meet with your approval. Gentlemen, I give way to others."
Mr. Spout took his seat, amid manifestations of the approval of his associates.
Mr. Boggs was the first to speak on the subject of the rules.
"Gentlemen," said he, "unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, and overpowered as I feel at the present moment, I should do injustice to my own feelings, did I fail to endorse the excellence of the rules reported by my friend Spout, and to give my unqualified adhesion, in accordance with the spirit which pervades them."
Mr. Dropper said that he had but one fault to find. He was by nature fond of resisting all rules, the idea of which he had always associated with a restriction of individual liberty. The rules proposed by Mr. Spout contemplated no restriction. They were so nice an adjustment of the relations between the governor and the governed that he could not find it in his heart to resist them. Hence he would be debarred his usual gratification of combatting them. Still he was willing to give them a trial.
Mr. Quackenbush liked the rules very much, as he thought it was coming down to first principles.
Mr. Van Dam said that, so far as he was concerned, the matter was all right; if it wasn't, "he'd make it right."
An inquiry was made as to who would fill the office of the Higholdboy.
Mr. Spout replied. He said that their club was an anomaly. It differed in its features from any organization which had ever been made. He thought that its individual peculiarities should be kept up in the matter of the election of its presiding officers. He was in favor of self-elevation to the position, and of letting the voluntary acquiescence of the members measure the duration of individuals' tenure of office--in other words, when they got tired of him, leave him to preside over a meeting composed of himself and the furniture. "Now, gentlemen," concluded Mr. Spout, "who wants to be a Higholdboy? Don't all speak at once."
Van Dam looked at Boggs; Boggs glanced at Dropper; Dropper eyed Quackenbush, and Quackenbush turned his eyes upon Spout.
"No one speaks," said Spout, "which leads me to believe that no one desires the position unless it be myself, which I confess, gentlemen, is true. Gentlemen, I declare myself duly elevated and installed into the office of Higholdboy of the Elephant Club, and when you survey my proportions, and look at the size of that chair, I am satisfied you will concede that I am well adapted to fill it. In conclusion, gentlemen, I ask of you your coöperation in forwarding the aims and purposes of this club. Mr. Boggs, will you pass me the tobacco-box?"
"Certainly," said Boggs, as he passed the box, "and allow me to congratulate your constituency in having elevated you to so responsible a position."
"A very respectable constituency of one--Spout," said Mr. Quackenbush. "But it is very funny, isn't it?" said he.
"It's a go," said Dropper.
Mr. Van Dam was very glad that he wasn't the lucky man, as he had such an abhorrence of responsibility.
The question of the time and place of meetings was the next subject discussed. It was finally agreed to leave that matter for future consideration.
"Gentlemen," said Spout, "I have assumed a responsibility, in anticipation of my attaining the Higholdboyship of this club. In this, perhaps, my course will not meet with your full approval; the nature of the step you will be apprised of in the room below. Will you accompany me?"
The party assented, wondering what further surprise was to greet them. They entered a rear parlor on the first floor, where an excellent dinner was waiting them, got up at the expense of Mr. John Spout, Higholdboy of the Elephant Club.
A good dinner is an excellent ending for any thing--even a chapter.
