A Journey to the World Under-Ground 9 – Holberg · Verses Across
Literature · Science Fiction & Fantasy
A Journey to the World Under-Ground 9Chap 9
18
Literature · Science Fiction & Fantasy
A Journey to the World Under-Ground 9
Chap 9
HolbergEnglish
The Author’s Journey round the Planet
+Nazar.+
Having continued in the unpleasing Employment of King’s Messenger for two whole Years, and carry’d the Royal Mandates and Letters Patents to every Province of the Empire, I at last grew tir’d of so troublesome and so unworthy an Office. Accordingly I again and again petition’d his Serene Highness to grant me an honourable Dismission, and at the same Time sollicited a more reputable Employment. But I met with nothing but Repulses from his Highness, whose constant Reply was, that a more important Office was above my Strength and Capacity. He alledg’d also, that the Laws and Customs of the Country were Death to my Hopes, in that they admitted only fit and proper Persons to the most eminent and arduous Posts of Government; that therefore I must make a Virtue of Necessity, and rest myself contented, till I had done something to merit better Fortune. He concluded his Advice in Terms like those of the Poet,
_Metiri se quemque suo modulo ac pede fas est.
E cœlo magnum descendit Nosce teipsum,
Figendum ac memori tractandum pectore._
These repeated Refusals were enough to throw me upon the most daring and desperate Designs. From that Day forward my Invention was upon the Rack to produce something, that should demonstrate the Excellence of my Genius, and wipe away my present Infamy. Accordingly, for a whole Year I study’d the Laws and Customs of the Country with an invincible Application, resolv’d to discover, whether there were in them any Defects that requir’d a Reformation. I open’d my Design to a certain Bush, with whom I had contracted a close Intimacy, and with whom I us’d to converse very freely upon all Subjects, whether grave or gay. He thought my Design not altogether absurd, but extremely question’d, whether it would be of any Service to the State. He added, that it should be the Care of a Reformer, to be a thorough Master of the Nature and Genius of the Country he intends to reform; because the same Thing might, in different Countries, produce different Effects, as the same Medicine may be good for some Bodies, and pernicious to others. He likewise inform’d me of the Danger I expos’d myself to in this Experiment, that no less than my Life depended on it, which must be a Forfeit to the State, should my Project have the Misfortune to be condemn’d by the Judges. He therefore ardently intreated me to bestow a little more Reflexion on this Affair; tho’ he did not plainly dissuade me from my Attempt, since he thought it not impossible, that a Sagacity, like mine, might at length discover something useful, as well to myself, as to the State. I took the Advice of my Friend, and for a Time laid aside my Scheme, and with a laudable Patience continued to discharge my Duty, by visiting the various Cities and Provinces of the Kingdom after the usual Manner. These repeated Expeditions furnish’d me with an Opportunity of making Enquiries into the State of the Kingdom, as well as that of the bordering Nations; and lest what I had observ’d in my Travels should escape my Memory, I penn’d it all down, and making a little Volume of it, humbly presented it to the Prince. How much his Serene Highness was taken with this Work appear’d afterward, by his doing me the Honour to commend my Labours in full Senate; and having again attentively perus’d my Book, he was pleas’d to make use of my Services in a farther Discovery of the whole Planet Nazar. I expected a different Recompence for my Labours, but was forc’d to say with the Poet,
——Virtus laudatur & alget.
But since I was fond of Novelty, and had Hopes that so bountiful a Prince would never leave me unrewarded after my Return, I set about the Work with a good Degree of Pleasure.
The whole Globe of the Planet Nazar, altho’ scarce six hundred Miles in Circumference, yet to the Inhabitants appears of an immense Extent, by Reason of the Slowness of their Motion. And hence to this Day a great many Countries, and particularly the more remote ones, are utterly unknown to the Natives. A Potuan would hardly be able to travel over this Globe on foot in two Years. But what embarrass’d me most, was the Fear I had that a Variety of Languages would put me to great Difficulties. But I was soon undeceiv’d, and reviv’d to hear, that the Inhabitants of the whole Planet, tho’ wonderfully different in their Manners, yet all spoke the same Tongue; and besides this, that the whole Race of Trees were in the main harmless, sociable, and beneficent Beings, so that I might, without the least Danger, make the Tour of the whole Globe. This redoubled my Ardour, and in the Month of Poplars I began my Journey.
What follows is so marvellous, that it looks more like a poetic Fiction, or the Chimæras of ungovern’d Fancy, than Reality and Truth; especially since those Varieties, both of Body Mind, which in this Journey I met with, are such as one would never expect to find between the most distant Nations. It must be observ’d, that many Kingdoms here are separated from each other by Seas and Straits, not unlike the Archipelago in Europe. These Straits are seldom cross’d; but for the Benefit of Travellers, there are certain Ferrymen that keep their Stations on the Banks in Readiness to transport the Passengers. It is very rare, that the Natives ever venture beyond the Limits of their own Country; and if compell’d, by Necessity, to make a Voyage, they soon return, as if impatient of a foreign Soil. Hence, as many Nations as there are, you see so many new Worlds in a Manner. The principal Cause of this vast Dissimilitude, is the different Nature of the Lands, as appears from the various Colours on the Surface, and from the surprizing Difference between the Plants, Herbs, and Fruits; it is the less Wonder, therefore, if with that Diversity of the Soil, and the Products of it, there should also be found a no less surprizing Variety of Inhabitants, and even opposite Natures and Tempers. In our World, indeed, even Nations the most remote, differ very little from each other in Genius, Manners, Learning, Shape and Colour. For since the Nature of the Earth is almost every where the same, except that one Part is more fruitful than another, and since the Nature of our Plants, Herbs, and Water, is nearly the same every where, hence nothing heterogeneous or uncommon is produc’d, as in this subterranean Planet, where every Tract of Land has its own peculiar Property. Strangers are allow’d to trade and travel, but not to settle out of their own Country; nor, indeed, could such a Liberty be well granted, considering the great Diversity and Opposition of Natures between each other. Hence all Foreigners that you meet with, are either Merchants or Travellers. The Countries which border upon the Potuan Dominions, are nearly of the same Nature with them. Their Inhabitants were formerly often at War with the Potuans; but at this Day they are either in Alliance with them, or having been subdued, they now rest contented in their Subjection to so mild a Power. But if you once cross the great Sea, which divides their whole Globe, new Scenes present themselves, together with new and strange Creatures unknown to the Potuans. One only Thing they have in common, and that is, that all the Creatures of this Globe are rational Trees, and all use the same Dialect. This makes Travelling very pleasant, especially as the Merchants and Foreigners, perpetually passing thro’ every Province, give People an Opportunity of seeing Creatures extreamly strange and unlike themselves. Thus much I thought proper to premise, lest tender Ears should be offended with the subsequent Narration, and the Author reproach’d with Want of Veracity.
It would be a tiresome and an unprofitable Task, to recount every Thing singly, and in exact historical Order, that I met with in my Travels. Let it suffice, that I give an Account of those particular People only, whose Character, Description, and Manners have something so unusual and marvellous in them, that upon their Account this Planet of Nazar may be reckon’d one of the principal Prodigies of the Universe. I must here call to Mind an Observation I have before made, that this whole Race and Country of rational Trees differ very little in Sense and Judgment from the Potuans; but in their Rites and Customs, in their Make and Temper, there is so much Diversity, that every Province you would swear to be a new World.
In the Province of Quamso, which is the first beyond the Sea, the Inhabitants are subject to no Infirmities or Diseases of Body, but each enjoys a perfect Health from Youth to latest Age. I could not help thinking them the most happy of Mortals. But upon a slight Acquaintance with them, I found myself infinitely mistaken. For as, upon one Hand, I saw nobody sad or sorrowful; so upon the other, I saw nobody pleas’d and joyful. For as we never highly relish the Serenity of the Heavens, and the Weather, unless we have been sensible of the Hardships of a different Temperature of the Air; so these Trees taste no Felicity, because it is perpetual and uninterrupted, and never know the Pleasure of Health, for want of knowing the Misery of Diseases. Their Life is one eternal Indolence. Their Enjoyments are never exquisite, and those alone can taste the Sweets of Life, who have their Pleasures season’d with a little Pain. I protest, that I never found, in any Country upon the Face of the Earth, such lifeless Creatures, or such cold and insipid Conversations. The People are harmless, but deserve neither your Love or Hatred. You fear no Affront, and you expect no Favour. In a Word, here is nothing either to please or displease. Besides, as that continual Health never brings the Image of Death before their Eyes, nor ever moves their Concern towards the Afflicted and Diseased, so they pass their Days in dull Security, and never know the generous Warmths of Pity and Compassion; nor do the least Footsteps of Love, or any such tender Affection appear there. In Truth, Diseases remind us of our Mortality, excite us to die well, and keep the Soul as it were equipt for its Journey to that World from whence none return; and as they afflict us with Pain, so they inspire a Sympathy towards others when afflicted. This leads one easily to discern how much Diseases, and the Danger of dying, contribute to Charity, Love, and all the social Affections, and that those People unjustly complain of their Creator for appointing these Afflictions, which are so full of real Advantage. It must be observ’d, that these Trees, as often as they remove into other Places, are expos’d to the same Evils and Casualties of Life that others are. This is a Proof to me, that they are indebted to the Climate for this peculiar Advantage, if indeed it can be call’d an Advantage.
The Province of Lalac, surnam’d Mascatta, or the Blest, seems to correspond with its Name; for there the Earth produces all Things spontaneously.
_Flumina jam lactis, jam flumina Nectaris ibant,
Flavaque de viridi stillabant ilice mella:
Ipsa quoque immunis, rastroque intacta, nec ullis
Saucia vomeribus, per se dabat omnia tellus._
But this extraordinary Circumstance does not render the Natives one Jot happier. For as there is no Need of Labour to procure their daily Sustenance, they spend their Days in Softness, Sloth, and Luxury, and so lay the Foundation of innumerable Diseases, and untimely Deaths. The Nature of this Country affords ample Matter for our serious Reflexion; in particular it appears, from the Condition of the People, that Husbandmen, Servants and Labourers, are far happier than those, who, free from the Fatigue of providing for themselves, are devoted to Idleness and Pleasure.
_Nempe inamarescunt epulæ sine fine petitæ,
Illusique pedes vitiosum ferre recusant
Corpus._
Hence follows a Train of vicious Actions, desperate Resolutions, and violent Deaths, which are here observ’d to be very common. For the perpetual Affluence in which they live, in Length of Time quite wears away all Taste and Sense of Pleasure, and almost infallibly introduces a downright Loathing of Life. Thus this Region, which appear’d at first like the Abodes of the Blest, was in Reality the Seat of Sorrow, and more an Object of my Compassion than my Envy.
Hoc celerare fugam, terrâque excedere jussit.
The next Province is that of Mardak; they are Cypresses, all of the same Form and Height, and differ only from each other by the different Make of their Eyes. Some have long Eyes, some square Eyes; some have small ones, others have Eyes so large as to take up the whole Space of the Forehead. Some are born with two, others with three, and some with four Eyes. There are also those who have only one Eye; and these might be reputed the Offspring of Polyphemus, but that their one Eye is seated in the hinder Part of the Head. And hence, according to the different Shape of their Eyes, they are divided into so many Tribes, the Names of which are as follows:
1. Nagiri, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently every Object appears long.
2. Naquiri, those who have square Eyes.
3. Talampi, the small Eyes.
4. Faraku, those who have two Eyes, one of which is more oblique than the other.
5. Mehanki, three Eyes.
6. Tarrasuki, four Eyes.
7. Harramba, those whose Eyes occupy the Space of the whole Forehead.
8. Skadolki, those who have only one Eye in the hinder Part of the Head.
The most numerous, and of course the most powerful Tribe, is that of the Nagiri, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently all Objects appear long. From this Tribe are taken the Senators, the Priests, and all such as bear Office in the State. These sit at the Helm, nor do they admit any one from another Tribe to a Post in the Government, unless he shall first confess, and confirm his Confession with an Oath, that a certain Tablet, dedicated to the Sun, and plac’d in the most conspicuous Part of the Temple, appears to him to be long. This sacred Tablet of the Sun is the principal Object of the Mardakanian Worship. Hence the honester Part of the Citizens, who start at Perjury, are excluded from all publick Honours, and what is worse, are expos’d to a thousand Sneers, Railleries, and even Persecutions; and tho’ they over and over protest, that they cannot disbelieve their Eyes, they are still complain’d of, and what is only a Fault of Nature, is imputed to their Obstinacy and Malice.
The Form of the Oath, which all, who are admitted to publick Employments and Honours, are forc’d to subscribe to, is this,
That is, I A. B. do swear, that the sacred Tablet of the Sun appears to me to be long, and I promise that I will persist in this Opinion to my last Breath.
After this Oath, they are declar’d fit for the Service of the State, and are incorporated into the Tribe of the Nagiri.
The Day after my Arrival, as I was sauntring in the Market-Place, I beheld an old Man, whom they were hurrying away to be scourg’d. A large Croud of Cypresses follow’d him, with Scoffs and Revilings. Upon my inquiring the Cause, I was inform’d, that he was a Heretick, who openly taught, that the Tablet of the Sun seem’d to him to be square; and in that diabolical Opinion he had obstinately persisted, after repeated Admonitions.
This rous’d my Curiosity to go to the Temple, and try whether I had orthodox Eyes or no. I examin’d the aforesaid Tablet with all the Eyes I had, and really it appear’d square to me. This I ingenuously told my Host, who at that Time had the Post of Ædile. With that he fetch’d a deep Sigh, and confess’d to me, that it appear’d square to him too, but that he dare not say so publickly, for fear of being dispossess’d of his Employment by the governing Tribe.
All pale and trembling I left this execrable City, fearing lest my Back must expiate the Crime of my Eyes, or lest branded with the Title of Heretick, I should be sent with Ignominy out of their Dominions. In Truth, no Institution ever appear’d more horrid, barbarous, and unjust, than this, where Hypocrisies and Perjuries alone are the Avenues to Preferment. And when I return’d to the Potuans, I took every Opportunity to express my Indignation against that detestable Race of People. But while I was in one of my angry Moods, and venting my Spleen according to Custom, a certain Juniper Tree, with whom I had liv’d in a good Degree of Intimacy, made me this Answer: “It is true, says he, that the Conduct of the Nagiri will always appear absurd and iniquitous to the Potuans; but to you it should not seem at all strange, that this Diversity of Eyes should cause such Cruelties, because you have formerly assur’d me, that in most of the European Dominions there are governing Tribes, which fall upon the rest with Fire and Sword, upon Account of some Defect, not of their Eyes indeed, but of their Reason; and you yourself extoll’d such a Proceeding as a pious Act, and of Advantage to the Government.” I presently understood the Drift of this Observation, and blusht for Shame. I left him soon, and was ever after a stanch Advocate for Toleration, and entertain’d milder Sentiments of People under Error.
Kimal, the next Principality, is accounted the most potent, by reason of its immense Wealth. For besides the Silver Mines, which are there in great Abundance, vast Quantities of Gold are gather’d from among the Sands of their Rivers. Their Seas too afford the most costly Pearls. And yet upon a due Examination of this Country, I could discover, that Happiness did not consist in Wealth alone. For as many Inhabitants, so many Divers and Diggers there were, who, bent upon Gain, seem’d condemn’d to perpetual Slavery, and such a Slavery as one would think was fit only for Criminals. Those who are rich enough to be exempted from these Toils, are oblig’d to keep constant Watch. The whole Country is so infested with Thieves and Robbers, that it is not safe to go without a Guard.
_Non tam festa dies, ut cesset prodere furem,
Perfidiam, fraudes, atq; omni ex crimine lucrum.
Vivitur ex rapto; non hospes ab hospite tutus,
Non socer a genero, fratrum quoque gratia rara est.
Filius ante diem patrios inquirit in annos;
Victa jacet pietas, & virgo cæde madentes
Ultima cœlestum terras Astræa reliquit._
Hence this Nation, beheld with envious Eyes by their Neighbours, drew Pity from me more than Envy. Fear, Jealousy, Suspicion, and Distrust, reign in every Mind, and each looks upon his Neighbour as a designing Enemy. So that endless Solicitude, wasting Cares, and pallid Complexions, are the Fruits of the boasted Felicity of this Province. It was not without Anxiety I travell’d over this Region; for in every Road, and upon every Frontier, I was oblig’d to give an Account of my Business, Name, and Country, to the Guards and Examiners, and I found myself expos’d to all those Vexations which Travellers experience in Countries that are jealous of Strangers. There is a Volcano, or burning Mountain, in this Province, from whence ascend perpetual Whirlwinds of Fire.
After having run over this Principality, and that with more Trouble than I experienc’d throughout my whole Journey, I pursued my Course full East. I every where found the Inhabitants sociable and well-behav’d, but extremely paradoxical. The Natives of the little Kingdom of Quamboia surpriz’d me most. There the Order of Nature is inverted. The more the Natives advance in Years, the more wanton and voluptuous they grow; and Age produces such fantastic Vices, and such lascivious Freaks, as Youth alone, in every other Place, is guilty of. Here none are intrusted with the Cares of State, unless they are under forty Years of Age. When they exceed this Term, they are too giddy for Business, like Children,
Quos dura premit custodia matrum.
I saw here the Aged frisking and gamboling in the Streets like Boys, and spending their Time in puerile Diversions. They did, as the Poet says,
_Ædificare casas, plostello adjungere mures,
Ludere par impar, equitare in arundine longa_.
While on the other Hand the Youths took the Liberty to reprove them, and sometimes drive them home before them with a Whip. I saw an old decrepit Male Tree whipping a Top in the Market-Place, and was inform’d he was some Years ago a Person of very great Consequence, no less than President of the Grand Council. This inverted Order obtain’d also in the weaker Sex. Hence, when a certain Youth was to be marry’d to an old Lady, all were of Opinion he must undergo the Fate of Actæon; which is diametrically opposite to what happens among us, where if an old Man has a Mind for a young Bride, he has ample Reason to fear an Injury of that Sort. Once I remember I met two old Bald-Heads engag’d in a Duel. Amaz’d to find such Vigour at such an Age, I enquir’d the Cause of this Duel, and was told, that the Quarrel arose about a Mistress they had met with at one of their Haunts, and who had equally pleas’d them both. They who told me this, added, that if the Governors of these two old Sinners were to know of their Difference, their Backs would be sure to smart for it. The same Evening a Report flew about, that a certain venerable Matron had hang’d herself for Despair, because she had met with a Repulse from a young Beech she was enamour’d of.
This inverted Order of Nature demands of course an Inversion of the Laws. Hence, in that Chapter of the Law which treats of Guardianship, it is enacted, That the Administration of Goods shall not be granted to any one, unless he be under forty Years of Age. Moreover, Contracts are deem’d ineffectual, if enter’d into by Persons above Forty, unless such Contracts are sign’d by their Tutors or Children. In the Chapter concerning Subordination, there is this Injunction, Let the Aged of both Sexes be obedient to their Children. Every Person in Office is always dismiss’d before he arrives to the Age of Forty.
——_Interdicto huic omne adimat jus
Prætor, & ad juvenes abeat tutela propinquos._
I did not think it convenient to continue longer in this Place, where if I had happen’d to have stay’d but ten Years, I must have been oblig’d by Law to become a Child again.
In the Province of Cocklecu there is a very perverse Custom, and such as would be highly condemn’d among us. The Order of Things is indeed inverted, but the Fault is not owing to Nature, but solely to the Laws. The Natives are all Junipers of both Sexes: But the Males alone perform the Drudgery of the Kitchen, and every such ignoble Labour. In Time of War indeed, they serve their Country, but rarely rise above the Rank of common Soldiers. Some few get to be Ensigns, which is the very highest military Honour the Males ever arrive to. The Females, on the other Hand, are in Possession of all Honours and Employments sacred, civil, or military. I had lately derided the Potuans for observing no Difference of Sex in the Distribution of publick Offices: But that was nothing to the Phrenzy of this People. I could not conceive the Meaning of so much Indolence in the Males, who, tho’ of far superior Strength of Body, could yet so tamely submit to such a Yoke, and for Ages together digest such an Ignominy. For it would have been very easy, at any Time, to have freed themselves from so shameful a Tyranny. But long and ancient Custom had so blinded them, that none ever thought of attempting to remove such a Disgrace, but quietly believ’d it was Nature’s Appointment, that the Government should be lodg’d in Female Hands, and that it was the Business of the other Sex to spin, to weave, to clean the House, and upon Occasion take a Beating from their Wives. The Arguments, by which the Ladies justify’d this Custom, were these: That as Nature had furnish’d the Males with greater Strength of Body, her Intention in that could only be to destine them to the more laborious and servile Duties of Life. Strangers are amaz’d, when going into a House they see the Mistress of the Family in the Compting-House, with a Pen in her Hand, and her Books before her, and at the same Time find her Husband in the Kitchen scouring the Dishes. And, indeed, whatever House I went to, if I enquir’d for the Master of the Family, I was still conducted into the Kitchin.
Horrible were the Effects of this unnatural Custom. For as in other Countries there are abandon’d Women, who prostitute themselves for Hire, so here the young Men sell their Favours, and to that End hire some House of Pleasure, which shall be easily known, either by a Writing over it, or some other infallible Sign. And when the Men drive this wicked Trade with too great Effrontery, and in too barefac’d a Manner, they are had to Prison, and whipt like our Street-Walkers. On the other Hand, the Matrons and Virgins here, without the least Reproach, can prowl up and down, gaze at the young Fellows, nod, whistle, tip the Wink, pluck them by the Sleeve, importune them, write Love-Verses upon their Doors, boast of their Conquests, and reckon up their Gallantries with as much Satisfaction as the fine Gentlemen of our World entertain you with their Amours. Moreover, it is no Crime for the Ladies here to make amorous Poems, and send Presents to the Youths; who, on the contrary, counterfeit Coyness and Modesty, as knowing it indecent to surrender to a Lady upon the first Summons. There was at the Time I was there, a mighty Disturbance about a noble Youth, the Son of a Senator, who had been ravish’d by a young Woman. I heard, that it was whisper’d among the Friends of the injur’d Youth, that a Suit would be commenc’d against the Ravisher, and that at the next Consistory Court she would be sentenc’d to repair the Dishonour by Marriage, since it could be indubitably prov’d, that he was a Person of an innocent Life and Conversation. During my Stay here, I had not the Courage openly to condemn this deprav’d Custom: But upon my leaving the City, I told several, that these Junipers acted in downright Contradiction to Nature, since from the universal Voice and Consent of Nations it was evident, that the Males alone were form’d for all the arduous and important Affairs of Life. To this they reply’d, that I confounded Custom with Nature, since the Weakness we impute to the Female Sex is deriv’d solely from Education. This is clear, from the Form of Government establish’d at Cocklecu, where in that Sex you find all the Virtues, and large Endowments of Mind, which the masculine Sex, in other Places, arrogate to themselves. For the Cocklecuanian Women are grave, prudent, constant, and secret. The Men, on the contrary, are light, empty, frothy Creatures. Hence, when any Thing absurd is related, the common Saying is, That’s a manly Trifle. Again, when any Thing is done rashly and unthinkingly, the Proverb is, We must make Allowances for manly Weakness. Notwithstanding this, I could not acquiesce in these Arguments, being thoroughly convinc’d of the Impropriety and Deformity of this Custom. The Indignation I conceiv’d against so much Female Pride and Insolence, gave Birth to an unfortunate Design, which I put in Execution soon after my Travels, as in its proper Place shall be related.
Among the sumptuous Edifices of this City, the most admirable was the Royal Seraglio, the Residence of three hundred Youths of exquisite Beauty. They were all maintain’d at the Expence of the Queen, and kept for her private Pleasures. As I happen’d to hear, that my Person was much commended, I was afraid of being clapp’d up in the Seraglio, and hurry’d away with all imaginable Haste.
——Pedibus metus addidit alas.
From this Place I proceeded to the Philosophical Region, so styl’d from the Inhabitants, who are continually bury’d in the profound Speculations of Philosophy. I was all on Fire to see this Country, which I fancy’d must be the Center of Sciences, and the true Seat of the Muses. Instead of vulgar Fields and Meadows, I expected to find one continued lovely Garden; and in this Imagination I hasten’d my Pace, and counted the Hours and Minutes as they flew. However, the Ways thro’ which I pass’d were very stony, with every now and then a Ditch or Cavern, insomuch that sometimes I was forc’d to go thro’ a Length of craggy Way, and sometimes thro’ miry Bogs, where for want of Bridges, I was oblig’d to wade thro’, and drag my weary Limbs after me, quite dirty’d to the Waist: Yet I fortify’d myself against these Accidents, with all the consoling Arguments I could think of. While for a full Hour I had been labouring under these Difficulties, I met a Peasant, of whom I inquir’d how far I had to Mascattia, or the Philosophical Province. He reply’d, I ought rather to ask him, how much there was left of the Journey, since I was in the very Heart of the Place. Amaz’d at this Answer, How is it possible, said I, that a Land inhabited only by Philosophers should appear rather like the Haunts of savage Beasts, than like a cultivated Country? He return’d, That in a little Time Things would have a better Face, as soon as ever the Natives could get Time to think upon such Trifles. At this present, says he, we are all solely intent upon an extraordinary Discovery, no less than that of a Passage to the Sun; that therefore it was very excusable to leave the Soil to itself, it being impossible to do two Things at once. I presently understood the Drift of this cunning Countryman’s Discourse; and pursuing my Journey, I at last arriv’d at the Metropolitan City Caska. In and about the Gates, instead of Guards and Centinels, I saw only a few tame Fowl, and upon the Walls Heaps of Birds-Nests and Cobwebs. Philosophers and Swine indifferently walk’d the Streets, nor was the one distinguish’d from the other but by Shape, being otherwise perfectly alike in Dirt and Nastiness.
The Philosophers had all Cloaks of the same Form, but what the Colour was, I could not discern for the Dust upon them. There was one quite bury’d in Thought coming directly towards me; and meeting him, Pray, Sir, says I, what may be the Name of this City? At this he paus’d, and for a Time continued as immoveable as if he had no Life in him; at last, says he, turning his Eyes upwards, ’Tis almost Noon. An Answer so foreign to the Purpose, was a Demonstration of great Absence of Mind, and convinc’d me, that it was better to study sparingly, than to run mad with too much Learning. I proceeded directly to the Center of the City, to see, if beside Philosophers, I could have the good Luck to meet with a reasonable Creature. The Forum of the City, which was very spacious, was adorn’d with Statues and Columns. I was endeavouring to read the Inscription upon one of them, and being thus employ’d, suddenly I felt my Back grow warm and moist. Turning my Head, to see from whence this warm Shower proceeded, I saw a Philosopher making Water against me. For being bury’d in profound Thought, he had taken me for one of the Statues there, that are us’d for Necessities of this Kind. Stung to the Soul with such an Affront, especially as the Philosopher, instead of apologizing for the Mistake, only laugh’d in my Face, I gave him a smart Box on the Ear. Enrag’d at this, he fell upon me, seiz’d me by the Hair, and dragg’d me round the Forum. But when I found there was no Prospect of appeasing his Wrath, I endeavour’d to make Reprisals upon him with all my Might and Vigour; and I believe, with Regard to our Blows, the Receipts and Disbursements might be pretty equal on both Sides. At length, after a long Contest, we both fell upon the Ground. At this Spectacle, a Croud of Philosophers flock’d from all Parts, and with inexpressible Fury fell upon me with their Fists and Sticks, and then once more dragg’d me by the Hair all round the Market; insomuch that I was just upon the Point of giving up the Ghost.
At last, rather tir’d than satiated, they left off beating me, and brought me to a spacious House, where when I struggled against the Door with both my Feet, and vow’d I would not enter, Messieurs the Philosophers threw a Rope round my Neck, and tugging me in, like an Ox at a Slaughter-House, they fell’d me flat upon the Floor. The House, and all Things in it, were in the utmost Confusion, and not unlike the Disorder People are in at Lady-Day or Michaelmas, when they are moving House. I then humbly intreated these wise Men to put an End to their Resentment, and suffer themselves to be mov’d to Pity and Compassion, representing to them how little for the Honour of Philosophy it was to abandon themselves to a blind Rage, and give a Loose to those very Passions they are the forwardest to declaim against. But I preach’d to the Winds. For that very Philosopher, who had so plentifully water’d my Back, forthwith renew’d the Fight, and redoubled his Blows upon me, like a Smith upon an Anvil, as if nothing but my Death could stop his Fury. This plainly taught me, that no Anger equals a philosophical Anger; and that they who can talk so well upon the Beauty of Virtue, care to practise it as little as any.
——_Nec enim minor ira rebullit
Pectore in hoc, leviorve exurit flamma medullas._
At length there came in four Philosophers, the Form of whose Robes spoke them of a singular Order. They presently appeas’d the Uproar, and seem’d to commiserate my Fate; and after they had conferr’d apart, they remov’d me to another House. Glad was I, that I had escap’d these Barbarians, and at last fallen into honest Hands. They enquir’d the Cause of all this Tumult, and I told them every Tittle. They smil’d at so pleasant an Accident, telling me, that it was a common Thing for the Philosophers to make Water against the Statues, and that probably my Antagonist, wholly absorb’d in Meditation, had mistook me for a Statue. They inform’d me likewise, that that Person was an Astronomer of great Eminence, and that my other Persecutors were Professors of Moral Philosophy. I could now hear all this with Pleasure, believing myself intirely out of Danger. Yet one Thing alarm’d me mightily, and that was the great Attention with which they survey’d my Form. Besides, their reiterated Questions concerning my Manner of Life, my Country, and the Cause of my Journey, together with the Whispers that ensued, gave me a violent Jealousy. But, good God! what Horror invaded my Soul, when they conducted me into an AnatomyChamber, where there was a frightful Heap of Bones and Carcases upon the Floor, that gave a Stench enough to poison me. I thought I was fallen into a Den of Thieves and Murderers; but the anatomical Instruments which hung upon the Walls took away that Fear, and convinc’d me, that my Host must be a Physician, or a Surgeon. Half an Hour was I left alone in this Place, when a Matron enters with my Dinner. She seem’d very humane, and eying me attentively, she would every now and then fetch a deep Sigh.
Upon my enquiring the Cause of her Grief, she reply’d, that my impending Fate drew those Sighs from her; That I was indeed fallen into very honest Hands, for my Husband, continues she, is Lord of this Island, being publick Physician of the City, and Professor of Medicine; and the others you saw are his Collegues: But astonish’d at the extraordinary Make of your Body, they have determin’d to examine the inward Machinery of it, and to make a Dissection of you, in order to add some new Light to Anatomy. This Account threw me into a most violent Palpitation, and setting up a horrible Cry, Oh! how! Madam, said I, can you call them honest Men, who make no Scruple to rip up the Bowels of an innocent Person? To which she answered, I say again you are fallen into the Hands of honest Men, who will do nothing with a bad Design, and have resolv’d upon this Operation for the sole Illustration of the Science of Anatomy. Alas! said I, I had rather fall into the Hands of Thieves and Murderers, from whom I might possibly make my Escape, than be dissected by such very honest Gentlemen; and immediately throwing myself at her Feet, shedding at the same Time a Flood of Tears, I implor’d her to intercede for my Life. She told me, her Intercession would avail very little against the Resolution of the Faculty, which was irrevocable; but however, that she would deliver me from Death by some other Means. With these Words, she took me by the Hand, and leading me thro’ a back Door, brought me as far as to the Gate of the City. Being now ready to take my Leave of my Preserver, I endeavour’d to express my Gratitude in the best Language I was Master of; but she presently interrupted me, and telling me she would not leave me till she saw me out of all Danger, she continued to accompany me. As we walk’d together, we enter’d into various Conversations concerning the State of the Country, and I heard her with the utmost Avidity. But at length she made a Digression to a Circumstance not very agreeable to my Ears, and I conjectur’d, that for her Services, she requir’d some Things of me which were morally impossible.
For she told me with the greatest Concern, that in this Country the Fate of marry’d Ladies was extremely hard, for that their philosophick Husbands, immers’d in Learning, neglected conjugal Duties. For my Part, I protest, says she, with an Oath, we should all be very wretched, if now and then a good-natur’d, compassionate Stranger did not administer Comfort to us in our Misfortunes, and occasionally apply a Remedy to them. I pretended not to understand this Harangue, and mended my Pace. But this Coldness serv’d only to enflame her. Whereupon,
she reproach’d me with Ingratitude. I nevertheless continued my Pace, till at last she laid Hands upon my Cloaths, and endeavour’d to stop me. With that I forcibly started from her, and having vastly the Advantage of her in Swiftness, I quickly got out of her Sight. One may judge of the Extremity of the Rage she was in, by the Words I could hear her pronounce, namely, Kaki spalaki, that is, ungrateful Dog. I digested this Affront with a Spartan Nobleness of Mind, and was glad at my Heart, that I could any Way escape from this Land of Philosophers, the bare Remembrance of which fills me with Horror.
The next Province I arriv’d at, was that of Nakir; the Capital of which is a fine, large City of the same Name. I cannot say much of this Place, because I pass’d with the utmost Haste thro’ the Countries adjoining to that I lately left, and long’d to be among People less philosophically, and especially less anatomically given. For such a Terror had seiz’d me, that I could not help asking every one I met, whether he were a Philosopher; and even in my Dreams, the Carcases and Instruments of Dissection still swam before me. The Natives of Nakir were very courteous; for every one I met offer’d me his Service unask’d, with long Attestations of his Honour and Honesty. I thought this very ridiculous, since I suspected none of them, nor call’d their Integrity in Question. I express’d my Wonder at these Compliments, and observ’d, that I could not conceive to what Purpose they were made; at which they only renew’d their Protestations of Service with a thousand Oaths. Leaving this Place, I overtook a Traveller bending beneath the Weight of his Burden. Seeing me, he stopt, and enquir’d whence I came. When I told him I had pass’d thro’ the Province of Nakir, he congratulated me upon my Escape, assuring me, that the Inhabitants were a People famous for their Skill in Tricking, and hardly a Traveller pass’d, but was their Prey. I answer’d, If their Actions at all corresponded with their Words, they must be People of the greatest Honour, of which every one boasted extremely, and assur’d me of it with a Multitude of Execrations. The Stranger smiling at these Words, Take Care, says he, of those who trumpet their own Virtues, and especially of those who readily send themselves to the Devil to convince you. That Piece of Advice I bury’d deep in my Mind, and I have since experienc’d that my Adviser had Reason.
I now arriv’d at a Lake, the Waters of which were of a yellowish Colour. On the Bank there was a Vessel of three Ranks of Oars, in which Passengers, for a small Consideration, were ferry’d over into the Land of Reason. Having agreed for my Passage, I went aboard, and with the highest Pleasure imaginable began my Voyage, inasmuch as I presently observ’d, that these subterranean Vessels are impell’d by secret Springs and Machines, which cleave the Waters with an astonishing Rapidity, and all without the Agency of Rowers. Being landed on the other Side of the Lake, I hir’d one of the Guides, which ply in the several Ports, and under his Conduct I travell’d on. In the mean Time my Guide told me every Thing that related to the Government of the City, and the Manners of the People. I understood from him, that they were all Logicians to a Man, and that this City was the true Seat of Reason, from whence it had its Name. And upon my Arrival, I found all he had told me was true. Every Citizen from his great Penetration, and the Composedness of his Manners, had the Appearance of a Judge. I could not forbear lifting my Hands to Heaven, and crying out, Oh! infinitely happy Country, where every Member is a Cato. But when I had more accurately examin’d the Condition of the City, I observ’d that Business went but dully on, and that the Republick in a Manner languish’d for want of Fools. For as their good Sense weighs every Thing in the justest Balance, and as not a Soul can be cajol’d by specious Promises and studied Words, it follows, that all those prudent Means and Methods, by which the Minds of Subjects are excited to the best and noblest Actions, and that too at the cheapest and easiest Rate, must here lose all their Efficacy. In short, the bad Effects of such an exact Knowledge of Things were explain’d to me, and pathetically lamented by the Super-Intendant of the Treasury. “One Tree, says he, is here distinguish’d from another by nothing else but his Name, and the Make of his Body. No Emulation among the Subjects, since Marks of Distinction are thought not worth acquiring, and nobody is wise, because every body is so. Folly, I confess, is a Defect, but to have it wholly banish’d, may not be so desirable. Let every State, indeed, have a competent Number of wise Men for the publick Employments. Some must govern, and some must submit to be govern’d. What other States effect by the most trifling Inducements, our Magistrates can procure only by solid Rewards, which often drain the Treasury. Wise Men require the Kernel if they serve their Country, but Fools are put off with the Shell. Thus, for Instance, the Distribution of Honours and Titles, with which Fools are taken as with a Hook, and spirited up to the most hazardous Enterprizes, can be of little Force among a People, who know that solid Fame and Honour is to be acquir’d only by inward Worth and Virtue. A People of this Stamp are not to be deceiv’d with specious Sounds. Your Soldiers, I think I have heard you say, are animated to undergo the utmost Severities, from the Hope of an immortal Name in History. This is what our People cannot conceive. They think, that this Mode of Seech, for Instance, +Dying in earnest, and living in a History+, is the veriest Jargon in the World, and that it is mere Dotage to proclaim aloud the Praises of one, who cannot hear nor understand them. I pass over numberless Inconveniences, which flow only from our exquisite Knowledge, and which prove to Demonstration, that at least half the Members of every civil Establishment ought to be Fools. Folly is to Society, what Fermentation is to the Stomach; too much, or none at all, are alike injurious.”
I heard all this with the greatest Amazement. But when in the Name of the Senate he offer’d me the Freedom of the City, and repeated his Intreaties, that I would fix my Abode here, I could not forbear blushing, from a Suspicion that his Request proceeded from a pre-conceiv’d Opinion of my Foolishness, and that he took me for such a Sort of Ferment as might be of Use to a State labouring under the Misfortune of too much Wisdom. I was confirm’d in this Suspicion, when I heard the Senate had decreed to send a Colony abroad, and in their Places to take in an equal Number of Fools from the neighbouring Nations. And so with a Sort of Resentment, I left this Race of Reasoners. Yet for a long Time I could not help reflecting upon that subterranean Axiom of theirs, unknown to the Politicians of our World, namely, That in a well-constituted Society, it is necessary that at least half the Members should be Fools. I wonder’d so salutary a Maxim should remain undiscover’d by the worthy Spirits of our Age. But possibly it might be known to some, who were however unwilling to have it inserted in the Class of political Truths, since with us there are great Plenty of Fools, nor is there (Envy apart!) a Village or City with us, but what is handsomely stor’d with this goodly Ferment.
Having rested some Time, I renew’d my Travels, and visited several Countries, which I pass over in Silence, as having nothing remarkable in them. I suppos’d I had now seen all the marvellous Things in the Planet Nazar. But arriving at the Province of Cabac, fresh Wonders offer themselves, and even such as exceed the Bounds of Credibility. Among the Natives of this Region, some are born without Heads. They speak by a Mouth plac’d in the Middle of the Breast. Upon Account of this great Defect in Nature, they are exempted from all such difficult Employments as require the least Headpiece. The only Posts they are admitted to, are chiefly those about the Court. Thus the Chamberlain, the Master of the Ceremonies, the President of the Seraglio, and the like, are all taken from the Class of People that are without Heads. Nevertheless some that have no Heads are, by the special Indulgence of the Government, receiv’d into the Senate for some Merit of their Ancestors, and that without much Detriment to the Republick. For Experience tells us, that the whole Authority of the Senate is lodg’d in the Hands of a few leading Members, and that the rest only help to fill up the Number, and to assent and subscribe to the Resolutions of others. And in my Time, there were in the Senate two that were born without Heads, who nevertheless enjoy’d the senatorial Stipends. For tho’ they were destitute of Sense, by reason of that Defect of Nature, yet surely they might give their Vote with others; happier in one Thing than their Collegues, namely, that nobody was angry with those who had no Heads, but vented all their Rage against the others. And hence it is evident, that it is safer sometimes to be born without a Head. This City may vie with any in Magnificence and Splendour. It has a Court, an University, and several noble Temples.
Cambara and Spelek are the two next Provinces. The Natives are all Limes. But in this they differ, that the former seldom live beyond the Age of four Years, whereas the others seldom fall short of four hundred. Here you might see Fathers, Grandfathers, Great Grandfathers, and so on; they would tell you old Stories and Adventures of their own that happen’d Ages ago, and by their lively Representations make you think you was almost present at them. As much as I pity’d the first, I envy’d the last. But after I had more inly examin’d the State of both, I found my Error. In Cambara every one, within a few Months after their Nativity, arriv’d to their full Maturity of Body and Mind. One Year was enough to form and perfect them; in the rest they prepar’d for Death. Not Plato’s self could have imagin’d a more charming Republick; here all the Virtues flourish’d to Perfection. Being hourly convinc’d of the Shortness of Life, they are always ready for Death, and regard this Life only as a Passage to a better. We may imagine every one of them a Philosopher, who with a happy Indifference to his present State, aims only at securing that solid and durable Pleasure, which is the Reward of Virtue and Piety. In a Word, this seem’d to be the Abode of Angels, the Kingdom of Saints, and the truest School of Wisdom and Virtue. Hence one may judge how unjust their Murmurs are, who complain of the Brevity of Life, making it the Foundation of a Quarrel at their Maker. Our Life is short, because we lose the greatest Part in Sloth and Pleasure; it would be long enough if our Time were better employ’d. But in the other Region, where Life is lengthen’d to four hundred Years, I discover’d all the Vices under Heaven. The present State of Things they look upon as eternal and immortal.
_Hinc fugere pudor, verumque, fidesque & honestum:
In quorum subiere locum dolus insidiæque._
There was also another Inconvenience resulting from long Life. Those who had unhappily lost their Estate or Fortunes, those who were maim’d in their Limbs, or were fallen into incurable Diseases, made the most piercing Complaints, and knowing no End to their Miseries, often laid violent Hands on themselves. The Shortness of Life, therefore, is to the Wretched the best of Remedies. Both these Countries afforded me Matter of much Admiration, and upon my Departure fill’d me with very philosophical Reflexions.
I pursued my Journey thro’ certain desert and rocky Places, which lead to Spalank, or the Country of Innocence. This Place is so call’d from the Innocence and peaceful Humour of the Natives. These are all Beeches, and esteem’d the happiest of the whole Creation. They are subject to no Passions and Affections, and consequently free from all Vices.
_Sponte sua, sine lege, fidem rectumque colebant;
Pœna metusque aberant, &c._
Upon my Arrival, I found all I had heard was true, and that actually they were govern’d not by Laws, but by their own innate Virtue and Disposition. Envy, Anger, Hatred, Pride, Vain-Glory, Discord, and all which among Mankind bears the Name of Vice, is here proscrib’d and banish’d. But with the Vices there were also many Things wanting, which adorn the human Species, and seem to distinguish them from Brutes. Except Divinity, Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, all the Arts and Sciences were wholly unknown. They had not the least Idea of Law, Politicks, History, Ethicks, and Eloquence, the very Names of which were never heard of. As there was not the least Spark of Envy, so there was no Emulation to excite and animate the Soul to worthy Deeds. There were no splendid Edifices, no Palace, no Senate-House, no Forum, no Magistrate, no Riches, and consequently no Desire of them, or Contention about them. In two Words, if they had no Vices, they had no Politeness, Art, or Elegance; nor any of those Things, which, tho’ in Reality no Virtues, are yet extremely like Virtues, and render Men civiliz’d and social. To say the Truth, I seem’d here to be rather in a Forest of real Trees, than in a rational Society. I stood a long Time in doubt what Judgment to form of these People, and whether such a State were in Reality desirable. At length reflecting, that an uncultivated Creature was however better than a vicious Creature, and that tho’ they had no Arts, they had also no Thefts, Murders, and other atrocious Crimes, which destroy both Body and Soul, I could not help pronouncing them happy. Walking carelesly along one Day, while I was among them, I struck my left Leg against a Stone. It swell’d violently, and gave me excessive Pain. An honest Countryman seeing this Accident, presently ran to me, and with a certain Herb he held in his Hand and apply’d to the Wound, the Anguish forthwith abated, and the Swelling decreas’d. These People, thought I, must have extraordinary Skill in the Art of Healing. Nor was my Conjecture wrong. For since their Studies were confin’d within so narrow a Compass, they were not contented with the outward Rind of Knowledge, like our modern Connoiseurs, but went to the Bottom of Things. When I thank’d my Benefactor for his Services, and told him that God would be his Reward, he answer’d me in so solid, so learned, and so devout a Manner, tho’ in Terms perfectly simple and rural, that I had really some Apprehensions it was an Angel in the Shape of a Tree. It appears hence, with what little Reason we dislike that calm Philosophy of some Men, who neither wish nor grieve, are neither angry, nor pleas’d, who divest themselves of all the impetuous Passions of the Soul, and whom we therefore accuse of leading a Life of Indolence and Softness. It appears also how much mistaken they are, who are Advocates for the Necessity of Vices among Men; who stile Anger the Whetstone of Courage, Emulation the Spur of Industry, and Distrust the Parent of Discretion. For who does not know, that from ill Eggs ill Birds are hatch’d, and that many Virtues which Mortals pride themselves in, and which are celebrated in Verse, are rather the Disgrace than Ornament of Humanity, if beheld with a philosophical Eye.
I left this Place, and arriv’d at Kiliac, where the Inhabitants are born with certain Marks impress’d upon their Forehead, signifying the exact Number of Years they have to live. These surely I thought must be the most fortunate People under the Sun, since an unexpected Death could surprize none of them in a sinful Action. But then, as their last Day of Life was known to every one, they deferr’d their Repentance to the last; insomuch that if you found one among them sincerely devout and honest, it was one whom the Marks upon his Forehead directed to think of his Quietus. Some I observ’d who walk’d with their Heads hanging down; they had almost liv’d out their Time, and were counting the Remainder of their Days and Hours upon their Fingers, expecting with Horror their last approaching Moment. This gave me to see the general Wisdom of the Creator in concealing from Mortals the Time of their Death.
Having travell’d over this Country, I came to a Streight, the Water of which was black; and being ferry’d over, I landed upon the Province of Askarac. Here new Monsters met my Eyes. As Cabac produces Animals without a Head, some among these People are born with seven Heads. To these, as being possess’d of an amazing Knowledge, the Citizens formerly paid almost divine Honours; and out of their Tribes alone, Commanders, Consuls, Senators, and other great Officers were elected. But, alas! as many Heads as they had, so many different Geniuses they had. They confidently and readily undertook to discharge various Employments at one and the same Time; and left nothing unattempted while they held the Reins of Power: But from that Multiplicity of Business, and from their various Ideas interfering and jostling with each other, they made wretched Work of it; and in Process of Time so great was the Confusion, that it requir’d the Labour of an Age to recover from the Disorder these omniscient Magistrates had thrown Things into. Hence a Law was enacted, to exclude for ever these seven-headed Trees from all publick Offices of Importance, and that the Government should hereafter be intrusted to simple Heads, that is to say, those who have only one Head. Ever since, those very People, who had been rever’d as Gods, have been sinking into the same Contempt as the headless Inhabitants of Cabac. For as they, who had no Head at all, could do nothing; so these with many Heads did every Thing perversely. But tho’ they are for ever remov’d from all State-Trusts, yet they serve as an Ornament to the Kingdom. They are carry’d about like publick Spectacles, to shew the World how liberal Nature has been in their Formation. Tho’ to say the Truth, had she been less lavish of her Favours, she had been in Reality much kinder. Of all this Race, there were only three in my Time in Employment, to which, however, they were not admitted, till they had consented to an Amputation of six of their Heads. After this, the confus’d Ideas they labour’d under vanish’d, and they were brought to common Sense. Thus Men prune Trees of their superfluous Branches, to derive more Health and Vigour to the rest. Very few undergo this Operation, upon Account of the extreme Pain and Danger. From hence I drew this useful Maxim, That all Excess is hurtful, and that Simplicity is true Wisdom.
From hence I pass’d to the Principality of Bostanki, a People, as to their outward Make, little different from the Potuans; but as to the inward, they have this Singularity, that their Heart is situated in their Thigh; so that it may be truly said of them, that they carry their Heart in their Breeches. Hence, among all the Inhabitants of this Globe, these are accounted the most fearful and pusillanimous. Upon my Arrival, I enter’d into an Inn near the Gate, and as the Fatigue of Travelling had made me something weary and fretful, I rattled my Host for being slow in his Attendance. But he, falling on his Knees, implor’d for Mercy, and extending his Thigh for me to feel the great Palpitation of Heart he was in, from storming I fell to laughing, and bid him dry his Tears, and cast away all Fear: He rose, and in a Transport kiss’d my Hand, and set about Supper immediately. In a Minute or two the whole Kitchen resounded with Cries and Lamentations. I ran thither, and to my vast Astonishment, there did I behold my very fearful Host beating and whipping his Wife and the Maids about. Seeing me, he took to his Heels, and run away. I turn’d to the weeping Family, and begg’d to know what Crime they had committed, to provoke so meek a Man to so great Rage. They, on the other Hand, stood mute, with their Eyes fasten’d to the Ground, not daring to tell the Cause of their Affliction. But upon my persisting to enquire, and adding Threats to my Intreaty, the Mistress spoke to me in this Manner: “You seem, Sir, to be a great Stranger to the Manners of the World. The Natives of this Principality can’t bear the Sight of an armed Enemy, and out of their own Houses tremble at the least Noise; yet they all domineer in the Kitchen, they exert their Bravery on their defenceless Family, and are only then valiant, when no Resistance can be made. On this Account they are the Jest, as well as the Prey, of the neighbouring States. But in the bordering Kingdom, to which we are Tributaries, the Case is otherwise. There they never fight but against an arm’d Enemy. There the Males command abroad, and serve at home.” I admir’d the Wisdom of the Hostess, whom I look’d upon as worthy of a better Condition. And, indeed, upon a closer Inspection into the Nature and Disposition of People, this Matron, it must be own’d, was extremely in the right, since from innumerable Examples it is clear, that Hercules is not the only one who has yielded to a Distaff, but that it is the common Fate of brave and warlike Men to submit, with all due Patience, to the Female Yoke: And that, on the other Hand, the veriest Cowards in all Nature, who like the Bostankians, carry their Hearts in their Breeches, are yet Heroes in the Kitchen. This People live under the Protection of a neighbouring Kingdom, to whom they pay Tribute for it.
From hence I pass’d by Water to Mikolac. Coming out of the Boat I miss’d my Cloak-Bag. I presently charg’d the Boat-Man with the Theft, who stifly deny’d it. Upon this I went and complain’d to the Magistrate, telling him, that if I had not the Liberty of bringing an Action against the Boat-Man for Breach of Trust or Theft, I hop’d he would at least compel him to make simple Restitution. But my Adversary not only persisted in denying the Fact, but threaten’d me with an Action of Slander. In a Case so doubtful the Court call’d for Witnesses. But as I could bring none, I desir’d my Antagonist might purge himself by Oath. At this the Judge smil’d, and spoke as follows. “My Friend, says he, in this Province we are bound by no Religion, nor have we any other Gods beside the Laws of our Country. Accusations here must be made good by legal Methods, such as proving the Delivery, estimating the Value, exhibiting Receipts, and producing Witnesses. Whoever is destitute of these, not only loses his Cause, but is liable to be sued for Calumny. Make the Case plain by proper Evidence, and what you have lost shall be restor’d to you.” Thus losing my Cause for want of Witnesses, I not only lamented my own Misfortune, but that of the Republick itself. For from hence it appear’d, what a weak unsettled Society that must be which depends for its Security upon human Laws alone, and how frail are all political Edifices unless cemented together by Religion. I staid three Days here in continual Fears. For tho’ the Laws of the Country are in Reality very good, and tho’ Crimes are punish’d with the utmost Severity, yet no Safety can be reasonably expected in a Country too atheistical to have the least Sense of religious Obligation, and where they scruple the Commission of no Crimes, provided they can but conceal them.
From this Land of Atheists, I travell’d on over a steep Mountain to the City of Bracmat, which was situated in the Plain at the Foot of the Mountain. The Inhabitants are Junipers. The first Person I met, came directly rushing at me, and threw me backwards. I did not well understand this, and asking the Reason of it, the Juniper begg’d my Pardon a thousand Times. Presently after, another with a Staff he had in his Hand, gave me a Blow upon the Reins that almost took away my Senses: But in the same Moment he made a long Harangue to me in Excuse of his Imprudence. Suspecting, therefore, this People to be either totally blind, or very weak-sighted, I took Care to avoid every one I met. In fact, all this arose from the exquisite Sense of Sight which some are here endued with. They can clearly discern remote Objects, which are impenetrable to vulgar Eyes; but then they do not see what is nearer and almost at hand. These are call’d Makatti; and they devote themselves principally to the Studies of Metaphysicks and Astronomy. They are of very little Service in the World, by reason of their too delicate Vision. They make very pretty minute Philosophers; but in solid Matters and Things of daily Use, they commit innumerable Blunders. However, the Government makes some Use of them, and sends them to the Mines for the Discovery of Metals. For tho’ they see scarce any Thing upon the Surface of the Earth, their Sight exerts itself upon any Thing beneath it. I concluded from hence, that there are some who are blind from too great a Delicacy in the Organs of Vision, and that they would see better if their Eyes were worse.
Having gain’d the Top of another very steep and rocky Mountain, I now enter’d the Province of Mutak, the Capital of which look’d like a Grove of Willows, the Inhabitants being all of that Species. Proceeding to the Market, I there found a robust, healthy young Man, sitting in a Place of Ease (of which there are many round the Market-Place) and imploring the Mercy of the Senate. I enquir’d the Meaning of this, and was informed, that the said Person was a Criminal, to whom they were going to give the fifteenth Dose. Surpriz’d at the Answer, I step’d aside, and desir’d my Host to explain this Riddle. He reply’d thus: “Most Nations punish Crimes by whipping, branding, hanging and the like: But nothing of that Kind obtains in this Country. For we study not so much to punish Crimes, as to mend the Criminal. The Culprit upon the Seat is a wretched Author, who for his violent Itch of Writing, which neither Law nor Advice could restrain, has been condemn’d by the Senate to the publick Punishment. This is left to the Censors of the City, who are all Doctors of Physick, and who are now going to macerate and bring him low by frequent Purgings, till they have conquer’d and extinguish’d the Lust of Scribbling.” He ended his Discourse with desiring me to go to the Shop of a publick Apothecary. I went with him accordingly, and to my vast Amazement beheld Phials and Gallipots all properly arrang’d, with such Inscriptions as these: Powder of Avarice. Pills for Lust. Tincture against Cruelty. Lenitive of Ambition. Cortex against Pleasure, &c. Words cannot express the strange Confusion of Mind this odd Spectacle threw me into. But a perfect Ecstasy of Surprize ensued, when I observed a Parcel of Manuscripts with these Titles: Sermons of Master Pisagus, a Morning’s Perusal of which gives six Stools. Meditations of Dr. Jukes, a Specific in the Coma Vigil, or Want of Sleep, &c. I thought the People out of their Senses, and to examine more accurately the Virtue of their Medicines, I open’d the first of these Books. It was such insipid Stuff, that at the first Chapter I began to make Faces; and reading on, I found my Bowels rumble, and soon after had a Tenesmus. But as I knew I had no Occasion for Purging, I threw the Book down, and run away. I then observ’d, that nothing in the whole World was without its Use, and that the most pitiful Performances were serviceable for something. I found also, that this People were no Fools, however absurd I at first took them to be. My Host averr’d to me, that he was cur’d of lying awake from only perusing Doctor Juke’s Book, the Virtue of which was so profound and potent, that Vigilance itself must snore at it. These Things occasion’d in me a tumultuous Variety of Thought. And lest they should break in upon that Chain of philosophical Reflexions I had heretofore made, I resolv’d soon to leave the Country. And happily enough, the strange Things I soon saw in other Provinces, jostled out almost all Thoughts of this Place. But notwithstanding, after I had finish’d my Tour round this Globe, and was reflecting upon the Mutakian Philosophy, their Manner of curing Disorders was not altogether so absurd. For I am convinc’d, that in our Europe there are some Books that would purge the most costive, or give Sleep to the most wakeful. As to the Disorders of the Mind, I own I could not subscribe to the Mutakian Principles in this Point, tho’ it must be confess’d, there are some Infirmities of Body, which we confound with the Disorders of the Mind; as a witty Poet of our World has observ’d in the following Epigram.
_Sexte, diu mecum morbo vexaris eodem,
Humores acres nos cruciare solent.
Cum mihi sit morbus circum præcordia versans,
Exosus, querulus, difficilisque vocor.
At te ægrotantem plorant, miserantur amici,
In pedibus morbi vis quia tota sedet.
Comiter excusant te, cum saltare recusas,
Immunem clamant, namque podagra tenet.
Inter convivas at me cantare negantem,
Fastosum, querulum, difficilemque vocant.
Cum minus ardua res tibi sit saltatio, Sexte,
Quam sit cardiaco psallere sæpe mihi._
I departed from Mutak, and crossing over a Lake of a yellow Hue, I arriv’d at Mikrok, and proceeding to the capital City, I found the Gate shut. I was oblig’d to wait till the drowsy Centinel was pleas’d to open it, which was some considerable Time, it being secur’d with a Multitude of Locks, Bolts, and Bars. Entring, I observ’d a deep Silence reign throughout the whole City, except that my Ears were now and then assaulted by a Noise as of People snoring. I could not help fancying I was got into the Region of Sleep, as the Poets talk. Would to God, says I to myself, that several of the Magistrates, Senators, and a few other honest Countrymen of mine, who are dear Lovers of Peace, had had the Luck to be born in this blessed City! How sweetly and quietly would they live! And yet from the Signs in the Streets, and Inscriptions on the Houses, it was evident, that Arts and Sciences were not unknown here, and that Laws were exercis’d. Led by these Signs, I found out an Inn. No Entrance to be had. The Doors were all fast. And tho’ it was Noon with the rest of the World, it should seem it was Night to the Inhabitants of this City. At last, after having knock’d and bounc’d a long while, I was let in. Time is here divided into twenty-three Hours; nineteen of them are sacred to Sleep, the other four to Business. Suspecting, therefore, these People to be monstrously negligent both in their publick and private Affairs, I desir’d something to be brought me to eat, which they had ready in the House, fearing, if I had order’d any Thing to be dress’d, the Cook should fall asleep while it was about. But all Things are here done in the concisest and most compendious Manner; every Thing superfluous is omitted; and therefore this diminutive Day of theirs is long enough for all Sorts of Business. After Dinner, which was brought upon Table with a surprizing Expedition, my Host waited on me round the City. We went into a Temple, where we heard a Discourse, short indeed, with respect to the Time, but long enough considering its Importance. The Preacher went directly to his Subject. He us’d no Flourishes, no Tautologies, nor said one superfluous Thing. So that when I compare this Discourse with the long nauseous ones of Master Petre, the former is in Reality more copious than the latter. With the same Brevity Proceedings in Law are dispatch’d: The Advocates say all in few Words, and then produce their Witnesses. I remember to have seen a Copy of a Treaty of Alliance between this and a neighbouring Kingdom. It was couch’d in these Terms: Let there be perpetual Friendship between the Mikrekians and Splendikanians. Let the Limits of the two Kingdoms be the River Klimac, and the Top of Mount Zabor. Sign’d, &c. Thus in three Lines they express, what with us would require a Volume. Hence I am persuaded one may come to the Point with less Noise and less Loss of Time, if Superfluities were to be retrench’d; as a Traveller would find his Journey half as short again, were he always to go directly strait. The Natives here are Cypresses, and are distinguish’d from other Trees by Wens in their Forehead, which Wens have a stated Increase and Decrease. When they increase, a certain Humour distils from them, which falling upon the Eyes brings on a Drowsiness, and is an Indication of the approaching Night.
From hence to Makrok is one Day’s Journey. Here the Inhabitants never sleep. Entring into the City, I stopp’d a Person, tho’ he seem’d to be in Haste, and begg’d he would be pleas’d to direct me to a good Inn. He reply’d he was very busy, and made the best of his Way forward. So great was the general Hurry of this Place, that they seem’d not to walk thro’ the Streets, but to run or fly, as if they were afraid of being too late. The least I could think was, that some Part of the City was on Fire, or that some other sudden and unlook’d for Disaster had frighted the Citizens out of their Senses. At last I cast my Eyes upon a Sign before a House, which signify’d it was an Inn. Here some were entring, others departing, others stumbling for Haste, insomuch that I was a Quarter of an Hour bustling in the Yard before I could gain Admittance. In a Moment I was ask’d a Multitude of impertinent Questions. One said, Where do you come from? Where are you going to? How long do you stay here? Another said, Will you dine alone, or with Company? If the latter, what Room will you dine in, the red, the green, the white, or the black Room? Or will you dine above Stairs, or below? with a thousand Impertinences of this Kind. My Host, who was a Clerk of one of the inferior Courts of Justice here, went away to Dinner, but soon return’d, and then gave me a long tedious Account of a Law-Suit that had been depending these ten Years, the Hearing of which was now coming on before the fourteenth Court. He told me, he hop’d it would be ended within two Years, since there were but two Courts remaining, beyond which there was no Appeal. He left me in great Astonishment, and convinc’d me, that this Nation was extremely busy in doing nothing. When my Landlord was gone, I walk’d about the House, and by Chance dropt upon a Library. It was large and well stock’d, with respect to the Number of Books, but a very indifferent one with respect to the Contents. Among those Books, which to Appearance were in best Condition, I observ’d the following,
1. Description of the Cathedral 24 Vols. 2. Relation of the Siege of Pehunc 36 Vols. 3. Of the Use of the Herb Slac 13 Vols. 4. Funeral Oration upon the Death of Senator Jacksi 18 Vols.
My Landlord, at his Return to me, entertain’d me with a Description of the State of the City; and from what he said, I concluded that more Business was transacted by the sleepy Mikrokians, than by the waking Makrokians; that these play’d with the Shell, while the other eat the Kernel. The People here too are all Cypresses, and as to the outward Make of their Bodies, differ very little from the Mikrokians, excepting the Wens upon their Foreheads. They have not the same Blood or Juice in their Bodies which other Trees of this Globe have, but instead of Blood, they have a thicker Juice in their Veins, which is of a mercurial Quality and Appearance. Nay some think it is Quicksilver itself, inasmuch as in a Barometer it is found to have the same Effect.
At the Distance of about two Days Journey from hence lies the Republick of Siklok, which is divided into two Societies, in Alliance with each other, but govern’d by different and opposite Laws. The first is call’d Miho, founded by Mihac, a famous Lawgiver of old, and the Lycurgus of the Subterraneans. In order to render his Republick stronger and more lasting, he made sumptuary Laws, which forbid all Luxury on the severest Penalties. And accordingly this Society, for its great Continence and Parsimony, may be justly call’d another Sparta. One Thing I wonder’d at, and that was, that in a Government so well constituted, and which piqu’d itself upon the Excellence of its Laws, there should be so many Beggars. For wherever I turn’d my Eyes, there was a Tree begging an Alms, which is a very troublesome Thing to Travellers. Upon a nice Inspection into the State of the Republick, I was convinc’d, that these Miseries flow’d from the too great Œconomy of the People. For all Luxury being proscrib’d, and the Rich baulking their Genius, and giving into no Indulgences, the common People of course must lead an indolent, idle, and beggarly Life, for want of Matter to make a proper Gain of. I concluded from hence, that rigid Parsimony in a State produces the same Inconveniences as an Obstruction of the Blood in a human Body. In the other Province, that of Liho, they live splendidly and jovially, and spare no Expence. Here Arts and Professions flourish; the People are encourag’d to Industry, and every Citizen has an Opportunity to raise a Fortune. Whoever is poor among them may fairly impute it to his own Negligence. Thus the Profusion of the Rich gives Life to the Body politick, as the Circulation of the Blood in the human Body gives Strength and Vigour to the Limbs.
The Territory of Lama borders upon this. Here is the celebrated School of Physicians. With so much Ardour is the Study of Physick here pursued, that none are look’d upon as genuine Doctors, unless they come from the illustrious School of Lama. And hence this City is crouded with so many Doctors, that you see more of them than of all other Sorts of People put together. Whole Streets are fill’d with Shops of Apothecaries, and anatomical Instrument-Makers. Loitering about the City, I met a Tree offering to Sale the Bills of Mortality for the Year last past. I bought one of them, and to my great Surprize found the Births and Burials stand thus: Born fifty; buried six hundred. I could not conceive that in a Place, where Apollo himself seem’d to have fix’d his Residence, there should be such a yearly Havock among the Citizens. I ask’d the Tree what unusual Plague or Pestilence had rag’d in the City the last Year. He reply’d, that two Years ago the Number of the Deceas’d was greater, that this was the common Proportion between the Births and Burials, and that the Inhabitants of Lama were perpetually afflicted with Distempers, which hasten’d their Deaths; insomuch that in a short Time the City would be empty, if it were not supplied and recruited from the neighbouring Provinces. Upon this I hurry’d out of the City, not thinking it prudent to stay longer here, especially as the Name of a Physician, and the Sight of the anatomical Instruments, after what I had suffer’d in the Country of Philosophers, could not be very agreeable. Therefore leaving this Place, I never stopt, till I came to a Town four Miles distant, where the People live without Physicians, and without Diseases. In the Space of two Days, I arriv’d at the Land of Liberty. The People here are accountable to no Authority. They consist of separate Families, without being subject to any Laws or Power whatsoever. Yet an Appearance of Society is preserv’d, and in publick Matters they consult the Seniors, who perpetually exhort them to Peace and Unanimity, and admonish them never to depart from that primary Precept of Nature, of doing to others, as you would be done by. On all the Gates of the Cities and Villages a Statue of Liberty is erected trampling upon Chains and Fetters, with this Inscription over the Head, GOLDEN LIBERTY. In the first City I enter’d, all was quiet enough; yet I observ’d some of the Citizens distinguish’d themselves by certain Ribbands which they wore, and which, as I afterward understood, were Marks and Symbols of two Factions which then divided the People. The Avenues and Court-Yards of the Houses of the Great were lin’d with arm’d Soldiers, who always held themselves in Readiness, because the Truce being about two Days ago expir’d, the War was upon breaking out afresh. I fled away trembling as fast as I could, nor thought myself free, till I had convey’d myself out of Sight of this Land of Liberty.
The next Province is Jochtan, of which I had heard a short Description, which very much alarm’d me, and led me to think it must be the Seat of Disorder, Confusion, and Insecurity. For this Country was the Sink and Receptacle of all Religions. All the several Principles and Doctrines which prevail in any Part of this Globe, retire here as to their Center, and are taught publickly. Recollecting, therefore, what Troubles had been excited in Europe by religious Differences, I was almost afraid to approach the capital City, the several Streets and Portions of which have all Churches and Temples for different and opposite Sects. But my Fears soon vanish’d, when I observ’d a profound Agreement and Concord reign in every Part. With respect to their Politicks, there was the same Face, the same Sentiments, the same Tranquillity, and the same Care in all. For as the Laws made it capital for one Member of the State to disturb another in his Way of Worship, or to molest him upon Account of any religious Difference, hence whatever Dissensions they had were without the least Appearance of Hostility, their Disputes were without Bitterness or Invectives, and they had no Aversions, because they had no Persecutions. There was a perpetual, but very honest and worthy Emulation among the several Sects, every one of which endeavour’d to demonstrate the Excellence of their Religion by the Purity of their Life and Morals. Thus by the Wisdom of the Magistrate, all these different Sentiments excited no more Troubles in the State, than did the different Shops of the Artists and Merchants in the Forum, where the Buyers are invited by the sole Goodness of the Commodity, and where they use neither Fraud, Force, or Disparagement. By these Means, the least Seed of Discord is stifled in the Birth, and that Sort of Emulation only encourag’d, which is honourable in itself, and advantageous to the State. This convinc’d me, that the religious Troubles which reign in many Places arise not from the Variety of Religions, but from Persecution alone. A sensible and learned Jochtanian explain’d to me more at large the Genius of this Government, and the Causes of its Tranquillity.
I heard him with Rapture, and his Observations I shall keep engrav’d on the Table of my Heart. I did indeed, for some Time, make Replies and Objections to him, but was at last forc’d to own myself vanquish’d, since he irresistibly prov’d all his Points by Arguments drawn from Experience. Asham’d, therefore, to contradict my Senses, and give the Lie to positive Matter of Fact, I was forc’d to own, that Liberty of Belief was the true Fountain of this Tranquillity and Concord. However, once more I attack’d my Adversary with an Argument different from all I had us’d. I told him it was the Duty of a Lawgiver, in erecting a Government, to regard the future, rather than the present Happiness of Mortals, and that he should conform his Scheme not so much to their Palate as to the Laws of God. To this he reply’d in this Manner: “My good Friend, says he, you are greatly deceiv’d, if you imagine that God, the Fountain of Truth, can be pleas’d with dissembled Worship. In other Nations, where all are oblig’d by publick Authority to one certain Rule of Faith, what a Door is open’d for Ignorance and Hypocrisy! Few, or none, have the Will or the Courage to discover their true Sentiments, and so they profess one Thing, and believe another. This makes the Study of Divinity a cold, lifeless Thing, and begets a Negligence in the Discovery of Truth. This also makes profane Learning more cultivated: For the Priests themselves, lest they should be branded with the Title of Hereticks, relinquish the Pursuit of sacred Things, and divert their Studies to other Subjects, where their Minds may range without Danger, and where their Liberty is not fetter’d. The Vulgar will still condemn all who depart from the reigning Doctrines. But Hypocrites and Dissemblers must be hateful to God, to whom a sincere, tho’ erroneous Belief, must be infinitely less displeasing than an orthodox, but pretended Faith.” Hearing this, I kept Silence, unable to dispute the Point any longer with so wise a People.
I had now been almost two Months out upon my Travels, when at last I arriv’d at Tumbac, a Territory contiguous to the Potuan Dominions. I thought myself now at home, my wearisome Journey being almost finish’d. The Inhabitants of this Region are chiefly Wild Olives, extremely devout, and extremely censorious. In the first Inn I enter’d, I waited two Hours for my Breakfast, knocking and calling for it almost all that Time in vain. The Reason of this Delay, was the unseasonable Devotion of my Host, who would not, for the World, put his Hand to the least Thing, till he had finish’d his Morning Prayers.
However, that Breakfast was one of the dearest in all my Travels, and I protest I never met with a Landlord more devout, or more unmerciful. Well! thought I to myself, this Landlord had better have pray’d less, and been more honest. But I dissembled my Resentment, well knowing how dangerous it is to provoke a Saint. The Citizens here were all Cato’s, all Censors of Manners. They walk’d up and down the Streets with pensive Looks and folded Arms, declaiming against the Vanity of the Times, and condemning every innocent Pleasure. Not a Gesture, not a Smile escap’d their Observation. And thus by their perpetual Censures, and envenom’d Zeal, they pass’d for Persons of eminent Sanctity. For my Part, as I was spent and exhausted with Fatigues, I made no Scruple of indulging in several innocent Diversions. But I got a bad Name by so doing, insomuch that every House I enter’d was like a Court of Justice, where I was sure to be arraign’d. Some, when they saw I was not at all mov’d by their Rebukes and Admonitions, shunn’d me like a Plague or a Contagion. I forbear to say more upon the Moroseness of this People: However, one Circumstance I must not omit, because it gives you their exact Character; and from this Sample you may judge of the rest. A certain Tumbacian, with whom I had been acquainted at Potu, being at an Inn, and seeing me go by, stept out to me, and press’d me to go in. I waited on him. As he had heard that I was far from being an Enemy to Pleasure, he gave me such a Lecture, and upbraided me with my Life and Morals in such Terms, that my Hair stood on End, and every Joint of me shook. But while our Cato was discharging thus the Artillery of his Censures, the Glass had pass’d very insensibly, but very briskly, from one to the other, till in short we both fell fairly fuddled on the Floor, and were carried off half dead. Having slept off this Debauch, and recover’d my Reason, I set myself to examine into the Nature of these People’s Religion; and I made a fair Discovery, that their Zeal flow’d rather from some vicious Humours, or a Predominancy of the bilious Juices, than from true Piety. But I never communicated this to any one, and left them without saying a Word.
At last, after two compleat Months, I arriv’d at Potu, so extremely weary with such incessant Exercise, that my Legs had scarce Strength to support my Body. It was on the tenth Day of the Month of Beeches that I enter’d this Capital. I went forthwith to his Serene Highness, and offer’d him my little Historical Collection, which he immediately order’d to be printed. (For it must be noted, that the Art of Printing, of which the Europeans and Chinese boast themselves to be Inventors, was of far greater Antiquity among the Potuans.) The People in general were so pleas’d with this Account of my Travels, that they were never weary of reading it. All Day long they were running about the Streets selling my Journal, and crying, as loud as they could, A Journey round the World, by Scabba, the King’s Messenger. Elated with this Success, I gave a Loose to my Ambition, and aspir’d to some Employment of greater Weight and Dignity. But seeing my Hopes not quickly answer’d, I preferr’d a new Petition to the Prince, wherein extolling my late Labours, I earnestly implor’d his Highness to vouchsafe me a proper Recompence. The Prince, who was Humanity in the Abstract, was sensibly touch’d with my Case, and graciously promis’d that he would have a due Regard to me. He was as good as his Word: But his whole Favour terminated in the Enlargement of my annual Salary. I thought I had Reason to expect a far better Recompence, and therefore I could not rest contented with this. But as I would not trouble his Highness any further, I open’d my Grief to the Chancellor. He heard me with his usual Humanity, and promis’d me all the good Offices in his Power; but at the same Time admonish’d me to desist from so wild a Petition, and begg’d me to consider the Measure of my Abilities, and the Weakness of my Judgment. “Nature, says he, has been but a Step-Mother to you, and has deny’d you those Powers of the Mind, which are requisite for the more arduous Offices of the State; and therefore you should not aim at what it is not possible for you to procure. Nay, the Prince himself, were he to comply with this weak Request of yours, must suffer in his Fame, as a Violator of the Laws. Rest contented therefore with your Condition, and renounce a Hope, which Nature has made unreasonable.” In Conclusion, he own’d I had some Merit, and particularly extoll’d my late Performance. But it is not, says he, Merit of this Kind that paves the Way to State-Preferment. ’Tis true, you have drawn a very pretty Picture of the World; but if for a Performance of this Kind we were to gratify you with the most honourable Employments, why might not a Painter for drawing a great Likeness, or a Sculptor for exhibiting a Statue in just Proportion, with as much Reason expect to be made a Senator? Merit should doubtless meet with a Recompence, and Rewards should be assign’d to the Deserving; but then they should be Rewards of such a Nature, as that the Commonwealth receive no Detriment, and suffer no Ridicule.
These Admonitions silenc’d me for a While. But as I could not bear to think of growing old in this vile Employ, I resum’d that desperate Resolution, which had laid dormant a long Time, of attempting a Reformation in the State, by which Project I might, at one and the same Time, help forward the publick Good, and my own too.
A little before I set out upon my late Travels, I had closely study’d the Nature of this Government, to see if I could discover any Defects, and at the same Time what Remedies were proper for them. Since that, in the Province of Cockleku, I had observ’d that the Government there was in a tottering Condition, by reason of the Admission of Women to the Management of publick Affairs, that Sex being naturally ambitious, still aiming to extend their Power, nor ever resting till they have acquir’d a full and absolute Authority. Hereupon I determin’d to bring in a Bill to exclude that Sex from the Administration of publick Affairs. I flatter’d myself I should find Multitudes to abet and espouse this Point, since it was an easy Matter to make it very clear, and to shew beyond Contradiction the Misfortunes that flow from this Defect in the State, and the Danger the Male Sex was in, unless the Wings of such an unnatural Power were timely clipt. And if it should so happen, that the Abolition of this ancient Custom should appear to some to be too hazardous an Attempt, in such Case I humbly offer’d, that the Female Power should be at least restrain’d and abridg’d.
This Scheme of mine had three Ends in view. First, to remove an Inconvenience the State labour’d under. Secondly, by producing a Specimen of my Sagacity and Judgment, I had Hopes to mend my Condition. And, thirdly, I thought by these Means to revenge certain Taunts and Affronts I had receiv’d from many of the Females of this Country. I frankly confess, that my own private Interest, and a Desire of Revenge, were the primum Mobile of this Project. But then I artfully conceal’d these Views, lest under a Pretence of publick Good, I should seem only to pursue my own, and so tread in the Steps of other Innovators, whose Schemes breathe nothing but the publick Good, when it is evident to the dullest Observer, that their private Interest is the Spring that moves the whole Machine.
And now, having drest my Project out to the best Advantage, and strengthen’d it by the most powerful Reasons I could invent, I waited upon the Prince, and humbly offer’d it to him. His Highness, who had always testify’d a great Regard to me, was thunderstruck at the Boldness and Folly of my Undertaking, which he foreboded must end in my irreparable Ruin. Wherefore he endeavour’d to dissuade me from this mad Attempt by the strongest Intreaties:
——Precibusque minas regaliter addit.
I, for my Part, relying as well upon the Utility of my Project, as upon the Favour of the Male Sex (who I was in Hopes would not desert the common Cause) remain’d immovable to all his Highness said, nor could his repeated Admonitions vanquish my Obstinacy. In fine, according to the Custom of the Country, I was brought to the Forum, and there, with my Neck in a Halter, I stood waiting the Judgment of the Senate. That venerable Body debated the Matter, and soon came to a Resolution; which Resolution was sent up to the Prince for his Confirmation; and being return’d by him, was read aloud by a publick Officer. It run thus:
“After due Examination, we are of Opinion as follows: That the Project of Scabba, the King’s Messenger, to exclude the Female Sex from publick Business, cannot take Effect without the highest Detriment to the Commonwealth, since no less than Half of the Nation, which consists of the said Sex, must look upon this Innovation as a very great Hardship, and their Resentment may occasion infinite Disorders. Moreover we are of Opinion, that it is absurd and unjust, intirely to exclude Trees of the finest Talents from publick Honours, especially as Nature, who does nothing in vain, can never be suppos’d to have given them all those noble Advantages to no Purpose. We are persuaded, that for the Welfare of the State, Regard ought to be had not to the Name, but the Abilities of a Person. And as a Country may often labour under a Want of able Persons, we think it a great Folly, by one Act of Senate, to render one intire Half of the Nation incapable and unworthy of Employment, solely upon Account of their Birth. For these and divers other good Reasons we are of Opinion, that the said Scabba, for this foolish and rash Attempt, ought to be punish’d according to the Custom of our Ancestors.”
The Prince was extremely concern’d for my Misfortune, but as he never rescinded the Decree of the Senate, he sign’d it with his own Hand, and affix’d the Royal Seal to it, and commanded it to be made publick, inserting however this mollifying Clause, That as I was a Foreigner, a Native of a new and unknown World, where forward Geniuses are in great Esteem, I should be exempted from capital Punishment. But lest by a total Remission of the Sentence the Laws should suffer an Infringement, it was therefore thought fit to detain me in Prison till the Beginning of the Month of Birches, and that then, with other Violators of the Law, I should be banish’d to the Firmament.
This Sentence being publish’d, I was clapt into Prison. Some of my Friends persuaded me to protest against this Sentence, since among my Judges there were so many Matrons and Virgins, all Judges in their own Cause. Some advis’d me, as the safer Way, to make a fair Acknowledgment of my Crime, and lay the Blame upon my own native human Weakness. But this last Advice I rejected with great Constancy, out of Respect to Mankind, upon whose Character such a Confession would leave an indelible Blemish.
I heard soon after, that his Highness had determin’d to give me an absolute Pardon, if I would but only prostrate myself at his Feet, confess my Fault, and implore his Favour, although Rahagna the Treasurer oppos’d that Motion with Might and Main. But, to speak the Truth, I was not displeas’d with the Sentence. For Death was not half so terrible to me as that Employment they pick’d out for me; and I was weary of conversing longer with these Trees, who had so high an Opinion of their Wisdom. I hop’d also to meet with better Treatment in the Firmament, where I had heard, that all Strangers, without Distinction, were kindly receiv’d.
