A Pedestrians' Protection League is being formed to uphold the rights of foot-passengers on the highways. As no bane is without its antidote, an opposition union is to be organised, having in view the adoption of the following regulations:--
1. Every pedestrian must carry on his front and back a large and conspicuous number as a means of easy and rapid identification.
2. No foot passenger shall quit the side-walk, except at certain authorised crossings. In country lanes and places where there is no side-walk the ditch shall be considered equivalent to the same.
3. Each foot-passenger about to make use of such authorised crossings shall thrice sound a danger-signal on a hooter, fog-horn or megaphone; and, after due warning has thus been given, shall traverse the road at a speed of not less than twelve miles an hour. The penalty for infringement to be forty shillings or one month.
4. Any pedestrian obstructing a motor by being run over, causing a motor to slow down or stop, or otherwise deranging the traffic, shall be summarily dealt with: the punishment for this offence to be five years' penal servitude, dating from arrest or release from hospital, as the case may be.
5. Should the pedestrian thus trespassing on the highway lose his life in an encounter with a motor-car, he shall not be liable to penal servitude; compensation for shock and loss of time, however, shall be paid from his estate to the driver of the car, such amount being taxed by the coroner.
6. All cattle, sheep, pigs, swine, hares, rabbits, conies, and other ground game, and every goose, duck, fowl, or any animal whatsoever with which the motor shall collide shall, ipso facto, be confiscated to the owner of the motor.
7. Any comment, remark, reflection, sneer or innuendo concerning the shape, speed, appearance, noise, smell, or other attribute of a motor-car, or of its occupants, shall be actionable; and every foot-passenger thus offending shall be bound over in the sum of £500 to keep the peace.
The Scotchman who tumbled off a bicycle says that in future he intends to "let wheel alone."
Illustration: Mabel's three bosom Friends (all experts--who have run round to see the Christmas gift). "Hullo, Mab!. Why, what on earth are you doing?"
Mab (in gasps). "Oh--you see--it was awfully kind of the Pater to give it to me--but I have to look after it myself--and I knew I should never have breath enough to blow the tyres out!"
Illustration: AN ACCOMMODATING PARTY.--Lady Driver. "Can you show us the way to Great Missenden, please?"
Weary Willie. "Cert'nly, miss, cert'nly. We're agoin' that way. 'Op up, Joe. Anythink to oblige a lady!"
Among the correspondence in the Daily Mail on the subject of "The Motor Problem," there is a letter from a physician, who exposes very cynically a scheme for improving his practice.
"I am," he says, "a country doctor, and during the last five years have had not a single case of accident to pedestrians caused by motor car.... As soon as I can afford it I intend to buy a motor."
Illustration: HOW NOT
Bikist. "Now then, Ethel, see me make a spurt round this corner."
Illustration: TO DO IT
First Villager. "What's up, Bill?"
Second Villager. "Oh, only a gent awashin' the dust off his bike."
It is a bad workman who complains of his tools, yet even the best of them may be justly annoyed when his spanner goes completely off its nut.
"Motor cycle for sale, 2-3/4 h.-p., equal to 3-1/4 h.-p."
