Mr. Punch's Book of Sport 50 – Anonymous · Verses Across
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's Book of Sport 50How to Win the Derby
18
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's Book of Sport 50
How to Win the Derby
AnonymousEnglish
(By one who has all but done it.)
Take great care in purchasing a really good colt. Don't let expense stand in your way, but be sure you get for money money's worth.
Obtain the most experienced trainer in the market, and confide your colt to his care. But, at the same time, let him have the advantage of your personal encouragement and the opinion of those of your sporting friends upon whose judgment you can place reliance.
When the day of the great race draws near, secure the most reliable jockey and every other advantage that you can obtain for your valuable animal.
Then, having taken every precaution to win the Derby, why--win it!
AT THE POST.--First Gentleman Rider. "Who is the swell on the lame horse?" Second Gentleman Rider. "Oh--forget his name--he's the son of the great furniture man, don'tcherknow." First Gentleman Rider. "Goes as if he had a caster off, eh?"
ASCOT WEEK RACING NOTE
Going in for a sweep.
ON THE COURSE.--Angelina. What do they mean, dear, by the Outside Ring?
Edwin. Oh! that's the place where we always back outsiders. A splendid institution!
[So it was, till Edwin fell among gentlemen from Wales.
AT THE CLOSE OF THE RACING SEASON.--Owner (to friend, pointing to disappointing colt). There he is, as well bred as any horse in the world, but can't win a race. Now what's to be done with him?
Friend (suddenly inspired). Harness the beast in front of a motor-car. He'll have to travel, then.
REAL AUTUMN HANDY-CAP.--A deerstalker.
Uncle. "Ah, Milly, I'm afraid you've lost your money over that one. He's gone the wrong way!"
Milly (at her first race-meeting). "Oh, no, uncle, I'm all right. George told me to back it 'both ways.'"
THE JOYS OF A GENTLEMAN RIDER
Trainer (to G. R., who has taken a chance mount). "So glad you turned up. This horse is such a rocky jumper you know, I can't get a professional to ride him."
VERY RACY.--Q. When a parent gives his son the "straight tip" about a race, what vegetable does he recall to one's mind?
A. Pa ('s)-snip, of course.
EASY PROBLEM PICTURE. "NAME THE WINNER!"
Judging from their countenances, which of these two, who have just returned from a race meeting, has "made a bit"?
RESPICE FINEM
SCENE--A little race meeting, under local rules and management.
Starter. "'Ere's a pretty mess! Two runners--the favourite won't start--and if I let the other win, the crowd 'll just about murder me!"]
THE HUNT STEEPLE-CHASE SEASON
The Joys of a Gentleman Rider.
Voice from the Crowd. "Now, then, guv'nor, take care you don't get sunburnt!"]
