Mr. Punch's Life in London 26 – Anonymous · Verses Across
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's Life in London 26The Money Market
18
Literature · Humor
Mr. Punch's Life in London 26
The Money Market
AnonymousEnglish
The scarcity of money is frightful. As much as a hundred per cent., to be paid in advance, has been asked upon bills; but we have not yet heard of any one having given it. There was an immense run for gold, but no one got any, and the whole of the transactions of the day were done in copper. An influential party created some sensation by coming into the market late in the afternoon, just before the close of business, with half-a-crown; but it was found, on inquiry, to be a bad one. It is expected that if the dearth of money continues another week, buttons must be resorted to. A party, whose transactions are known to be large, succeeded in settling his account with the bulls, by means of postage-stamps; an arrangement of which the bears will probably take advantage.
A large capitalist in the course of the day attempted to change the direction things had taken, by throwing an immense quantity of paper into the market; but as no one seemed disposed to have anything to do with it, it blew over.
The parties to the Dutch loan are much irritated at being asked to take their dividends in butter; but, after the insane attempt to get rid of the Spanish arrears by cigars, which, it is well known, ended in smoke, we do not think the Dutch project will be proceeded with.
"LETTERS OF CREDIT."--I.O.U.
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.--Stopping in London in August.
RESIDENCE FOR THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER.--"The clearing-house."
MOST ASSURING.--Brown (who is nervous about sanitary matters, and detects something). "Hum"--(sniffs)--"surely--this system of yours--these pipes now--do they communicate with your main drain?" Hairdresser (with cheery gusto). "Direct, sir!"
[Tableau.
]
Gilded Johnny. "How long will it take your bally cab to get to Victoria?"
Cabby. "Oh, just about the same time as an ordinary keb, sir."
"NEVER TOO LATE TO MEND"
Respectable Man. "Dear me! I'm sorry to see this, Muggles! I heard you'd left off drinking!"
Disreputable Party. "Sho I 'ave, shir--(hic)--jesh 'ish very minute!"]
OBVIOUS.--Stingy Uncle (to impecunious Nephew). "Pay as you go, my boy!--Pay as you go!"
Nephew (suggestively). "But suppose I haven't any money to pay with, uncle----"
Uncle. "Eh?--Well, then, don't go, you know--don't go!"
[Exit hastily.
]
SHEWERFIT & C^o.
ARTISTS IN HAIR
FACE MASSAGE
MANICURE
CHIROPODY
BLOOM OF CUPID
FOR THE COMPLEXION
]
REAL GRATITUDE
Tramp (to Chappie, who has just given him a shilling). "I 'ope as 'ow some day, sir, you may want a shillin', an' that I'll be able to give it to yer!"
