The Ten Pleasures of Marriage 7 – Behn · Verses Across
Literature · Humor
The Ten Pleasures of Marriage 7The Second Pleasure
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Literature · Humor
The Ten Pleasures of Marriage 7
The Second Pleasure
BehnEnglish
_The Woman goes to buy houshold-stuf. The unthankfulness of some of the Wedding-guests, and thankfulness of others._<
Well, young married people, how glad you must needs be, now the Wedding's over, and all that noise is at an end? You may now ly and sleep till the day be far spent! And not only rest your selves quietly; but, to your desires, in the Art of Love, shew one another the exercise and handling of Venus Weapons.
Now you may practise an hundred delicious things to please your appetites, & do as many Hocus Pocus tricks more. Now you may outdo Aretin, and all her light Companions, in all their several postures. Now you may rejoice in the sweet remembrance, how sumptuous that you were, in Apparel, meat and drink, and all other ornaments that my Lady Bride, and Madam Spend-all, first invented and brought in practice. Now you may tickle your fancies with the pleasures that were used there, by dansing, maskerading, Fire-works, playing upon Instruments, singing, leaping, and all other sort of gambals, that youth being back'd with Bacchus strength uses either for mirth or wantonness.
O how merry they were all of 'em! And how deliciously were all the dishes dress'd and garnisht! What a credit this will be for the Cook and Steward! Indeed there was nothing upon the Table but it was Noble, and the Wine was commended by every one. They have all eaten gallantly, & drunk deliciously. Well, this is now a pleasant remembrance.
And you, O young Woman, you are now both Wife and Mistris your self; you are now wrested out of the command of your grinning and snarling narrow-soul'd Tutors (those hellish Curmugions) now you may freely, without controul, do all what you have a mind to; and receive therewith the friendly imbracings, and kind salutes of your best beloved. Verily this must needs be a surpassing mirth.
And you, O new made husband, how tumble you now in wantonness! how willingly doth liberal Venus her self, open her fairest Orchard for you! Oh you have a pleasure, that those which never tried, can in the least comprehend.
Well, make good use of your time, and take the full scope of your desires, in the pleasant clasping and caressing of those tender limbs; for after some few daies, it may be hungry care will come and open the Curtains of your bed; and at a distance shew you what reckonings you are to expect from the Jeweller, Gold-smith, Silk-man, Linnen-Draper, Vinter, Cook and others.
But on the t'other side again, you shall have the pleasure to hear your young Wife every moment sweetly discoursing that she must go with her Sister and her Aunt to buy houshold-stuf, Down-beds, dainty Plush and quilted Coverlets, with costly Hangings must be bought: And then she will read to you, her new made Husband, such a stately Register, that both your joy of heart, and jingling purse shall have a fellouw-feeling of it.
For your Sweetest speaks of large Venetian Looking-glasses, Chiny-ware, Plush Chairs, Turkish Tapistry, Golden Leather, rich Pictures, a Service of Plate, a Sakerdan Press, an Ebbony Tabel, a curious Cabinet and child-bed Linnen cupboard, several Webs for Napkins and Tabel-cloaths, fine and course linnen, Flanders laces, and a thousand other things must be bought, too long to be here related: For other things also that concern the furnishing of the house, they increase every day fresh in the brains of these loving and prudent Wives.
And when the Wife walks out, she must either have the Maid, or at least the Semstress, along with her; then neighbour John, that good carefull labourer, must follow them softly with his wheel-barrow, that the things, which are bought, may be carefully and immediately brought home.
And at all this, good Man, you must make no wry faces, but be pleasant and merry; for they are needfull in house-keeping, you cannot be without them; and that mony must alwaies be certainly ready, get it where you will. Then, saies the Wife, all this, at least, there must needs be, if we will have any people of fashion come into our house.
You know your Beloved hath also some Egs to fry, and did bring you a good Portion, though it consist in immovable Goods, as in Houses, Orchards, and Lands that be oftentimes in another Shire. Thither you may go then, with your Hony, twice a year, for the refreshing of your spirits, and taking your pleasure to receive the House-rents, fruits of the Orchards, and revenues of the Lands. Here every one salutes you with the name of Landlord; and, according to their Country fashion, indeavour to receive you with all civilities and kind entertainment. If, with their Hay-cart, you have a mind to go and look upon the Land, and to be a participator of those sort of pleasures; or to eat some new Curds, Cream, Gammon of Bacon, and ripe Fruits, all these things; in place of mony, shall be willingly and neatly disht up to you.
For here you'l meet with complaints, that by the War the Houses are burnt, the Orchards destroied, and the growth of the Fields spoiled! therefore it is not fit that you should trouble the poor people, but think, this is the use, custom, and fruits of War. If the Impositions and Taxes run high, the Country Farmer can't help that; you know that the War costs mony, and it must be given, or else we should lose all.
At such a time as this, your only mirth must be; that, through this gallant marriage, you are now Lord of so many acres of Land, so many Orchards, and of so many dainty Houses and Land. If your mony bags don't much increase by it at present, but rather lessen, that most no waies cloud your mirth. Would you trouble your self at such trivial things, you'd have work enough daily. We cannot have all things so to our minds in this World. For if you had your Wives Portion down in ready mony, you'd have been at a stand again, where, without danger, you should have put it out at interest; fearing that they might play Bankrupt with it. Houses and Lands are alwaies fast, and they will pay well, when the War is done.
Therefore you must drive these vapors out of your head, and make your self merry, with the hearing that your friends commend the entertainment they have had to the highest; and that two or three daies hence; the merry Bridemen and Bridemaids, with some of the nearest acquaintance, will come a la grandissimo to give you thanks for all the respect & civilities that you have so liberally bestowed upon them; which will be done then with such a friendly and affectionate heart, that it will be impossible for you, but you must invite them again to come and sup with you in the evening, and so make an addition to the former Pleasure; by which means pleasantness, mirth, and friendship, is planted and advanced among all the friends and acquaintance.
'Tis true, you'l be sure to hear that there were some at the Wedding who were displeased, for not being entertained according to their expectations; and because their Uncle, a new married Niece, and some other friends were not seated in their right places; that M^{rs}. Leonora had a jole-pate to wait upon her; and M^{r}. Philip an old Beldam; M^{r}. Timothy was forced to wait upon a young snotty-nose; and that Squire Neefer could not sit easily, and M^{rs}. Betty's Gorget was rumbled; and that Mal, and Peg Stones, and Dol Dirty-buttocks, were almost throng'd in pieces; and could hardly get any of the Sweetmeats; but you must not at all be troubled with this, for 'tis a hard matter to please every body. 'Tis enough that you have been at such a vast charge, and presented them with your Feast.
Truly, they ought to have been contented & thankfull to the highest degree; and what they are unsatisfied with needed not to have cost you so much mony; for if you had left them all at home, you could have had no worse reward, but a great deal less charge. Comfort your self with this, that when it happens again, you will not buy ingratitude at so high a rate. 'Tis much better to invite them at two or three several times before hand, and entertain them with a merry glass of Wine, up and away; and then invite a small company which are better to govern and satisfied.
'Tis a great deal more pleasure for you, to see your Wives friends animate one another, to come, a fortnight after the Wedding, and surprize you; with shewing their thankfulness and satisfaction for the respect they have received from you; and that they are alwaies desirous to cultivate the friendship, by now and then coming to give you a visit.
This is here again a new joy! and as long as you keep open Table and Cellar for them, that reception will keep all discontent from growing among them. Yes, and it will please your Wife too, extraordinary well.
And by thus doing, you will not be subject to (as many other men are) your Wives maundring that you entertained her friends so hungrily and unhandsomly; but, for this, you shall be both by her, and her friends, beloved and commended in the highest degree: Yea it will be an incouragement that they in the same manner, will entertain your friends like an Angel, and be alwaies seeking to keep a fair correspondence among them. So that in the Summer time, for an afternoons collation you'l see a Fruit-dish of Grapes, Nuts, and Peaches prepared for you; which cold Fruits must then be warm'd with a good glass of Wine. And in the Winter, to please your appetite, a dish of Pancakes, Fritters, or a barrel of Oisters; but none of these neither will be agreeable without a delicate glass of Wine. Oh quintessence of all mirth! Who could not but wish to get such Aunts, such Cousins, & such Bridemen and Bridemaids in their marriage?
Therefore, if you meet with one or t'other of your Cousins, press him to go home with you, to refresh himself with a glass of Wine; O it will be extreamly pleasing to your Wife, and a double respect paid to him; because you bring him to a collation among other Cousins, and pretty Gentlewomen, where the knot of friendship and familiarity is renewed and faster twisted. And who knows, if you bring in a Batchelor, but there may perhaps arise a new marriage, which would be extraordinarily pleasing to your Wife; for there is nothing more agreeable to the female sex, then that they may be instrumental in helping their Bridemaids to husbands. And thus you will see a double increase of your Minions, and your Wife get more friends to accompany her, and drive fancies out of her head.
If your Wife should fail in her choice of houshold-stuff, and other sort of those appurtenances; doubt not but these will be prudent School-Mistresses for her, if she be unexperienc'd, to counsel and advise her to buy of the richest and newest mode, and what will be neatest, and where to be bought. Oh these are so skilfull in the art of ordring things, that you need not dispute with your Wife about the hanging of a Picture above the Chimney-mantel! for they'l presently say, there's nothing better in that place then large China dishes; and that Bed-stead must be taken down, and another set up in the place with curious Curtains and Vallians, and Daslles: And thus, they will deliver themselves, like a Court full of wise Counsellors, for the pleasure and instruction of your Beloved. Well, what could you wish for more? D'ye talk of mony? Pish, that's stamp'd with hammers: give it liberally; the good Woman knows how and where to lay it out. If there be but little mony by the hand; be silent of that, it might happen to disturb your Dear, and who knows wherein it may do her harm. It is not the fashion that Women, especially young married ones, should take care for that. 'Tis care enough for her, if she contrive and consider what must be bought, and what things will be most suitable together. For this care is so great, that she never wakens in the night, but she thinks on't; yea it costs her many an hours rest; therefore ought not to be so lightly esteemed.
And now, O young husband, since you are come to the first step of the School to exercise your patience; it is not fit that you should already begin to grumble and talk how needfull it is to be sparing and thrifty; that Merchandising and trading is mighty dead; that monies is not to be got in; and that here and there reckonings and bills must be paid: O no! you must be silent, tho you should burst with discontent. For herewith, perhaps, the whole house would be out of order; and you might get for an answer, How! have I married then a pittifull poor Bridegroom? This would be sad to hear.
Go therefore to School by Pythagoras to learn silence; and to look upon all things in the beginning with patience; to let your Wife do her own pleasure; and to mix hony with your words. Then you shall possess the quintessence of this Pleasure fully, and with joyfull steps enter upon the folowing.
