Varney the Vampyre 110The Singular Invitation to the Baron’s Wedding
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Literature · Horror
Varney the Vampyre 110
The Singular Invitation to the Baron’s Wedding
RymerEnglish
About three days after the transactions which we have just recorded, the admiral received a call from his friend, the attorney, and that call had a double object.
In the first place, the man of law wanted to tell him how he was proceeding, as regarded the Quaker, and there they had a great tussle about what was to be done, for, when the attorney said to him,
“Now, admiral, as regards this assault upon Mr. Shepperd, all that can be done is to let him prove his case, and then come up for judgment, and move in the court in mitigation. I dare say, you will dragged up to Westminster Hall for judgment, and I should not at all wonder, but you will get off with a fine of six-and-eightpence.”
“What do you mean,” said the admiral, “by letting him do what he likes?”
“In effect, it is the same thing as pleading guilty, you know, to a charge brought against you, and, by so doing, you, to a great extent, disarm justice.”
“Guilty!” roared the admiral; “guilty! You will be a long time, indeed, in convincing me that there is any guilt in kicking a Quaker, and especially such a Quaker as Mr. Shepperd. Why, I’ll do it again, and think it, as I do now, a meritorious action.”
“Yes; but you misunderstand me. It’s called guilt, you know, in law, to do anything contrary to law; and, by pleading guilty, you do no more than just admit the fact that you have kicked the Quaker.”
“That’s quite another thing. I have no objection to the fact, whatever, but don’t call it being guilty, for that’s all moonshine, and I won’t have it, at any price. Guilty be hanged! I think I see it. Guilty of kicking a Quaker, indeed; I have half a mind to go and kick him again, just on purpose; and I don’t know but what I may do it yet.”
“Well, well, admiral, now that we have settled that knotty point, I have got something else to tell you, of a more agreeable nature.”
“Out with it—out with it.”
“It is this. You recollect that, upon the marriage of Miss Flora Bannerworth with your nephew, Mr. Charles Holland——”
“The marriage feast, you mean, for, as far as the marriage was concerned, they all got the better of the old man.”
“Yes; the marriage feast. You recollect that, upon that occasion, you gave me leave to invite a number of persons, all of whom were very grateful, and thought very highly of you and the honour of coming into your company.”
“A devil of a sensible fellow this lawyer is,” thought the admiral. “It’s enough to make one take to lawyers, I’ll be hanged if it ain’t. Go on—go on; what of all that? I am sure I was as well pleased to see them all as they were to see me.”
“Well, sir, it appears that some of these persons, and especially a family of the name of Clark, have been exceedingly anxious to bestow some civility upon you in return; and, as they have been invited to a wedding, they wish to prevail upon you to go with them, as it will be a very stylish affair.”
“Well, I don’t mind,” said the admiral. “Where is it?”
“It’s as far as twenty miles off, at a place called Anderbury, and it is wished that you should bring anybody you like with you, upon the occasion.”
“Well, it’s civil, at all events, and I don’t mind, if Henry and Charles and Flora like it, going. But, when you mention Anderbury, I’ll be hanged if I don’t think it’s the very place that Jack Pringle has gone to, to get a sight of the salt water, for the benefit of his health.”
“Well, sir, it will have none the less recommendation to you, I dare say, that it is close to the sea.”
“You are right there, and, I can tell you, I was thinking of going myself, because you know, what suits Jack, in those respects, is pretty well sure to suit me; and I thought, as that vagabond was enjoying himself down by the sea coast, I might as well go and do so likewise.”
“Well, sir, then I may consider I have your full consent to the arrangement, and I am sure it will be received by the parties with a great deal of satisfaction, indeed.”
“Well, well, somehow or another, you talk me over to things, so I’ll go, without making any more fuss about it; and I will take Henry with me, and Charles, and Flora, and I’d take old Varney, the Vampyre, too, if we had him here. It would be a good bit of fun to take such a fellow as that to a wedding.”
“He would not be the most welcome guest in the world.”
“No; I should think not. But who are our invitations to come from?”
“They will come from the bride’s mother, as the people I have told you are so anxious to take you with them are friends of hers.”
“Very good—very good; so, as it’s all right, I will speak to Henry about it, and Flora, and, I dare say, we shall all manage to get there comfortably enough. Let me see; it’s just two stages for post-horses. Well, well, lawyer, you may look upon it as decided; it is to be, and there is an end of it.”
In due course, on the following day, there came a note to Admiral Bell, enclosing a card, on which was said,
“Mrs. Williams requests the honour of Admiral Bell’s company, with his party, to breakfast, on the 10th instant, at two o’clock, on the occasion of the celebration of the nuptials of Miss Helen Fedora Williams with the Baron Stolmuyer of Saltzburgh, &c., &c., at Anderbury-on-the-Mount.”
“The devil!” said the admiral. “This is an odd affair—something slashing, and out of the way, I should say. Breakfast at two o’clock! that’s the d—dest piece of humbug in the whole affair. Who the devil is to wait for their breakfast till two o’clock? I never heard anything better than that; but I suppose there will be something to eat, so I shall take the liberty of having my breakfast at seven in the morning, and calling that my dinner, and my lunch I will manage to get at some inn on the road.”
With this card of invitation in his hand, the admiral went to Flora, and laid it before her, saying,—
“Here will be fine fun, Flora, for you. This is the invitation I spoke to you of, and they are going to have breakfast at two o’clock, lunch, I suppose, at five, dinner at nine, a cup of coffee at about twelve, supper at four o’clock in the morning, and I suppose they will get to bed at about daybreak.”
Flora laughed as she perused the card, and then she said,—
“It certainly promises to be quite a fine affair, uncle; and, at all events, as we are only guests, we shall be able fully to enter into the amusement of the affair, if there be any, and I am inclined to think there will be, by the rather pompous reading of the card of invitation which has been so civilly sent to us.”
“If they are ridiculous people,” said the admiral, “we will laugh at them, and they cannot expect but that we should; and if they should turn out to be otherwise, they may become very pleasant acquaintances, you know.”
“Assuredly; and it will not do to judge of people always by such a trivial piece of evidence as a card of invitation can afford to one; so I will endeavour to go to the wedding with an impression that they are agreeable people—an impression which, considering the complimentary manner in which they have invited us, we ought to cultivate.”
“Very good; and do you speak to Charles about it, for I have not had an opportunity of so doing; and as the people have invited us handsomely, I think we ought to go in a manner so as to do them as much credit as possible; and, therefore, I should say that a coach and four, with postillions, will be the plan, and look rather stylish.”
“Oh, uncle, you will be mistaken for the bridegroom.”
“Shall I? Very well, I am quite willing that I should be, always provided I may chance to admire the bride; but if I do not, you may be sure that I shall take pretty good care to explain the error.”
