Varney the Vampyre 121Mrs. Williams Takes the Initiative, and Nearly Catches an Admiral
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Literature · Horror
Varney the Vampyre 121
Mrs. Williams Takes the Initiative, and Nearly Catches an Admiral
RymerEnglish
Mrs. Williams, when she reached home after what must be called her very unsuccessful attempt to make a disturbance, and to do the grand at the inn where the Bannerworths were, set herself seriously to think what would be the best course for her to adopt in the rather perplexing aspect of her affairs.
The few words she had used at the inn, indicative of her censure of all the proceedings, had been of rather a strong and energetic character, so that she had a very uncomfortable suspicion upon her mind that she would find it rather a difficult task to pacify her daughter’s new friends.
The offer which the admiral had made to repay to her any expense she had been at, impressed her with a belief that he surely must be in possession of what, to her, was the most delightful thing in the world, and comprehended all sorts of virtue, namely, money; and of course her feelings became instantly most wonderfully ameliorated.
“I’m very much afraid I have been too precipitate,” she said. “I really am afraid I have, and that ain’t a pleasant reflection by any means. What can I do to get good friends with them all, and particularly the dear old gentleman who promised to pay me?”
This was the problem which Mrs. Williams presented to her mind, for the captivating idea of actually having been paid £500 by the baron, and thus sending in a bill of the same amount to the admiral, took wonderful and complete possession of her.
This was, indeed, she considered, a masterstroke of policy, and all she had now to consider was, the means of getting on such good terms with the admiral that he should neither question items nor amount of the account she intended to send him in.
“If he only pays the £500 as well as the baron has paid his, I shall not come out of the transaction so badly,” said Mrs. Williams.
While she was in this state of perplexity, she was sitting by the window of her dining-room, which commanded a view of the street, and, as she sat there, she was much surprised to see Jack Pringle, who she still had a lingering suspicion might, notwithstanding his disclaimer of the title, be Admiral Green, on the other side of the way, making various significant movements of his hands and head, as if he had something of an exceedingly secret and strange mysterious nature to communicate to her, Mrs. Williams.
This was quite sufficient to call for that lady’s most serious attention, and accordingly she walked graciously so close to the window that her aristocratic nose touched the glass, and nodded to Jack, after which she beckoned him across the way, after the manner of the ghost in Hamlet, upon which Jack, with a nod, came across the way forthwith.
In another moment Mrs. Williams opened the street-door herself, and said,—
“Mr. What’s-your-name, have you got anything to say to me?”
“Rather,” said Jack.
“What is it, then—pray what is it, Mr. What’s-your-name?”
“Don’t call me What’s-your-name, ma’am, any longer; my name is Jack Pringle.”
“Mr. John Pringle, I suppose?”
“No such thing; nothing but plain Jack, ma’am; so you see you are mistaken. But I have got something to say to you, ma’am, as you ought to know.”
Any one who had known Jack would have seen, by a certain mischievous twinkling of the eyes, that he had on hand what he considered one of the most excellent of jokes in all the world, and was about to perpetrate what he thought some famous piece of jollity. What it was, we shall quickly perceive, from his communication with Mrs. Williams.
“Well, ma’am,” he added, “you know Admiral Bell, I believe?”
“Oh, yes—yes; certainly, I do.”
“Well, I don’t know as I ought to tell you, Mrs. W., what I’m going to tell you; but, first of all, the old admiral, what with prize money, pay, and one thing and another, is so immensely rich, that he really don’t know what to do with his money.”
“How dreadful!” said Mrs. Williams; “I think I could really suggest to him some few things to do.”
“Oh, he is so desperately obstinate, he will listen to nobody; and, you see, as he never married, who as he got to leave it to? At least that’s what we have been all wondering, for I don’t know how long; but now what do you think we have found out, Mrs. Williams?”
“Well, that’s very difficult, of course, for me to say. Perhaps you will be so good as to tell me.”
“You ought to know. He has fallen in love, ma’am—actually in love, for the first time in his life. Yes, he has actually fallen in love, Mrs. Williams; there’s a go.”
“And with one of my daughters! It’s with Julia—I did mention her to him, and I thought I saw a curious expression come across his face. Of course, I’m quite delighted to hear it; for, with the feelings of a mother, I like to get my girls off hand as well as I can; and, as Admiral Bell is so very respectable a person, I can have no sort of objection in the world.”
“There you go, again,” said Jack; “you are quite mistaken, I can tell you. You never made a greater blunder than that in all your life, Mother Williams—excuse me, ma’am, but that’s my way.”
“Oh, don’t mention it—but where’s the mistake, my dear sir?”
“Why, just here, ma’am—just here. The admiral is not so young as he was twenty-five years ago, and he ain’t quite such a fool as to think that a young girl can care anything for him. But he is in love, for all that. Only you see, ma’am, it happens to be with somebody else.”
“Good gracious! Who is it?—and why do you come to me about it?”
“Because it’s you.”
“Me! me! oh, gracious Providence, you don’t mean that! In love with me! The rich old admiral—he cannot live long. How much money, take it altogether, do you really think he has got? I declare you have taken me so by surprise, that I don’t know what I am saying. Of course he will propose a very handsome settlement.”
“You may depend upon all that,” said Jack; “but the odd thing is, you see, ma’am, that although he is quite over head and ears in love, he won’t own it, but walks about like a bear with a bad place on his back, doing nothing but growl, growl, from morning till night.”
“Then how can you tell,” said Mrs. Williams, “if he never said so?”
“Oh, he does say so. He mumbles it out to himself, and we have heard him say,—
“‘Damn it all! that Mrs. Williams is the craft for my money; but what’s the use of me bothering her about it?—she wouldn’t have an old hulk like me, so I won’t say anything about it to anybody.’”
“What an amiable idea!”
“Very, ma’am, very; and what I have come to you for now is to say, that if you have no objection to the match, you might as well make the old man happy, by letting him know, in some sort of way, that you wouldn’t be so hard-hearted as he thinks, but would have him if he would say the word.”
“How can I express how much obliged I am to you, Mr. Wingle!”
“Pringle, if you please, ma’am, is my name; and as to being obliged to me, you ain’t at all, and I’ll tell you how; you see, I and the admiral have sailed with each other many a voyage, and I have a sort of feeling for the old man that makes me, when I see that he has a fancy, try my best to gratify him; and, without thinking of anybody but him, I’ve come to you just to tell you what I know about the affair, and I must leave it to you to do what you like.”
“Still I am very much obliged to you. What if I were to call and ask for a private interview with the old man?”
“A good idea,” said Jack. “It was only the other day I heard him say you was his pearl, and the main chain of his heart, I can tell you, and ever such a load more. He will be taking his dinner at four to-day, and after that he usually takes a sleep in an arm chair, in a room by himself, and if you like to come then, you will catch him.”
“Be assured, my dear sir, I shall be there punctually to the minute. You will be so good as to receive me, and introduce me to him, and, perhaps, it would remove some of his timidity if I were to let him know that I was aware that he had called me his pearl, and the main chain of his heart.”
“Of course it would,” said Jack. “You put him in mind of it, ma’am, and if you find him back’erd a little, don’t you mind about giving him a little encouragement, because you know all the while he really means it, so you need not care about it.”
“Well, Mr.—a—a—Bingle, all I can say is, that I feel very much obliged to you indeed, for letting me know this matter; and my great respect for you and for the old admiral will, I assure you, induce me to consent to what you propose.—A-hem! of course I have many offers, as you may well suppose, Mr. Cringle.”
“Damn it,” said Jack, “I’ve told you before that my name is Pringle, and if you can’t recollect that, just call me Jack, and have done with it—you won’t forget Jack, I’ll be bound. Call me that, and I sha’n’t quarrel with you about it, ma’am; but don’t be inventing all sorts of odd names for me.”
“Pray excuse me, my dear sir, I certainly will do no such thing; and at three o’clock, I hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing you. I believe it’s the Red Lion where you are staying?”
“Yes, the Red Lion Inn; and at three I shall be on the look out for you, ma’am, you may depend; and I only hope you won’t mistake the admiral’s bashfulness for anything else, because, I assure you, he is mad in love with you, but don’t like to own it, ma’am; so just you bring him out a little, and don’t you mind what he says.”
Mrs. Williams duly promised she would not mind what the old man said, and, from what we know of that lady, we are quite inclined, for once in a way, to give her credit for sincerity in that matter, and the greatest possible amount of candour.
As for Jack, when he left her house, and had got fairly round the corner and out of sight, he laughed to that excess that several passers-by stopped to look at him in wonder, and had he not ceased, he certainly would have had a crowd round him in a very few minutes longer, that would have perhaps thought him out of his senses.
But after a few minutes, the explosion of his bottled-up mirth had subsided, and after giving a boy, who was the nearest to him of the admiring spectators, a good rap on the head, he walked to the inn.
Jack would have been glad to have told some one of the capital joke he was playing off at the admiral’s expense, but he was afraid of being betrayed; so he wisely kept the secret of the forthcoming jest all to himself; although Henry Bannerworth and Charles Holland might both, after such a thing happened, or even during its progress, have a good laugh at it, it is not to be supposed, entertaining as they did so great a respect for the old admiral, that they would have lent themselves to the perpetration of such a joke.
As may be supposed, Mrs. Williams was all flutter and expectation, and the idea of at length mending her decayed fortune by an union with the old man, who was reported to be immensely rich, and who had already reached an age when his life could not be depended upon one week from another, was one of the most gratifying circumstances on record to her.
No possible plan could have been devised which was so likely to chime in with her humour as this, and if she had been asked in which way she would like to make money, it would have been that which she would have undoubtedly chosen.
“Now,” she thought, “I shall, after all, make an admirable thing of this affair, there can be no doubt. I shall, of course, soon be a widow again, for the old sea monster cannot live long. I shall insist upon a very liberal settlement indeed, and then I suppose, while he does live, I must keep him in a good humour, so that he may leave me, at all events, the bulk of his property when he dies, and then I can live in the style I like, and make everybody die of envy.”
To excite an extraordinary amount of envy was the very height of felicity to Mrs. Williams, as, indeed, it is to many people of far greater pretensions than that lady; and we cannot help thinking, when we see gaudy equipages and all the glittering and costly paraphernalia of parvenu wealth, that the great object of it is to excite envy far more than admiration and pleasure.
“There are the Narrowidges, and the Staples, and the Jenkinses,” thought Mrs. Williams. “Oh! I know they will all be ready to eat their very heads off, when they hear that I am married, and that, too, so well. Oh! they will die of spite, and particularly Mrs. Jenkins. I am quite sure she will have a serious illness.”
These were the kind of triumphs upon which Mrs. Williams felicitated herself, and pictured to her imagination as the result of her marriage with the admiral, which she now looked upon as quite a settled thing; because, if he were willing, she felt perfectly sure that she was; and, therefore, what was to prevent the union from taking place?
What pleasant anticipations these were! Really, we can almost consider them, while they lasted, as sufficient to counterbalance any disappointment which was likely afterwards to take place; and the hour or two which Mrs. Williams devoted to the gorgeous dream of wealth she so fully expected to enjoy, were probably the most delightful she had ever passed. And certainly so far she had to thank Jack Pringle for giving her so much satisfaction, although, as will be seen, she did not feel towards him any great amount of gratitude on the momentous occasion.
Mrs. Williams, no doubt, still thought herself quite a fascinating woman; and when she had failed in guessing that it was to herself that the admiral was, according to Jack’s account, devoted, it was not that she entertained a modest and quiet opinion of her own attractions, but from the force of habit, seeing that so long a period had elapsed without her having an admirer, that she could not believe she had one then, until actually assured in plain language of the fact.
And now, about half an hour before the appointed time, the lady arrayed herself in what she considered an extremely becoming and fashionable costume, and started to keep her appointment with Jack Pringle, who, in her affections, now held quite a pleasant place, and towards whom she considered herself so much indebted for the kind information she had received at his hands.
The distance from any house in Anderbury to any other, was but short, so that Mrs. Williams was within the time mentioned, when she reached the door of the Red Lion; but she was gratified to find that Jack Pringle was there, apparently on the look out for her, because it showed that nothing had happened to alter the aspect of affairs, but that the chances of her becoming Mrs. Admiral Bell were as strong as ever.
“I’m glad you have come,” said Jack. “They got over their dinner rather quick, and that’s a fact; and the old man is fast asleep as usual, so you can commence operations at once.”
“A thousand thanks—a thousand thanks, my good friend, and you may depend upon my gratitude.”
“Hush! never mind that,” said Jack; “I don’t want nothing. This way—this way, ma’am, if you please.”
