The Wit and Humor of America, Volume V. (of X.) 43 – Anonymous · Verses Across
Literature · Humor
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume V. (of X.) 43By James Whitcomb Riley
18
Literature · Humor
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume V. (of X.) 43
By James Whitcomb Riley
AnonymousEnglish
[Writ durin' State Fair at Indanoplis, whilse visitin' a Soninlaw then residin' thare, who has sence got back to the country whare he says a man that's raised thare ot to a-stayed in the first place.]
I tell you what I'd ruther do--
Ef I only had my ruthers,--
I'd ruther work when I wanted to
Than be bossed round by others;--
I'd ruther kindo' git the swing
O' what was needed, first, I jing!
Afore I swet at anything!--
Ef I only had my ruthers;--
In fact I'd aim to be the same
With all men as my brothers;
And they'd all be the same with me--
Ef I only had my ruthers.
I wouldn't likely know it all--
Ef I only had my ruthers;--
I'd know some sense, and some base-ball--
Some old jokes, and--some others:
I'd know some politics, and 'low
Some tarif-speeches same as now,
Then go hear Nye on "Branes and How
To Detect Theyr Presence." T'others,
That stayed away, I'd let 'em stay--
All my dissentin' brothers
Could chuse as shore a kill er cuore,
Ef I only had my ruthers.
The pore 'ud git theyr dues sometimes--
Ef I only had my ruthers,--
And be paid dollars 'stid o' dimes,
Fer children, wives and mothers:
Theyr boy that slaves; theyr girl that sews--
Fer others--not herself, God knows!--
The grave's her only change of clothes!
... Ef I only had my ruthers,
They'd all have "stuff" and time enugh
To answer one-another's
Appealin' prayer fer "lovin' care"--
Ef I only had my ruthers.
They'd be few folks 'ud ast fer trust,
Ef I only had my ruthers,
And blame few business-men to bu'st
Theyrselves, er harts of others:
Big Guns that come here durin' Fair-
Week could put up jest anywhare,
And find a full-and-plenty thare,
Ef I only had my ruthers:
The rich and great 'ud 'sociate
With all theyr lowly brothers,
Feelin' we done the honorun--
Ef I only had my ruthers.
THE DUTIFUL MARINER
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Literature · Humor
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume V. (of X.) 44
